Isn't it funny that the saddest and loneliest people that you know seem to have the most Facebook friends?

Isn't it ironic that the staff at my local BP garage got really irritated when some oil leaked out of my car onto their forecourt the other day?

Daily Star: "Woman ends up in hospital with burns after she dropped a red hot iron on her knee.
Irony

The guy who invented the tv remote died today. They found his body down the back of his sofa.

The definition of irony
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of long words.

I bought a book yesterday: "1001 Uses For Binary".
However, when I got home I was very disappointed to find it only contained nine.

Wouldn't it be ironic if La Roux was shot dead in her living room?
Not so bulletproof now are you...

Isn't it strange how some people don't live up to their name?
Mike England is from Wales.
Alan Brazil is from Scotland.
Ryan France is from England.
And Nicolas Cage isn't black..

I ordered a book on the internet the other day called "How To Have Absolutely Nothing To Do With Your Neighbours".
Unfortunately, I was out when it was delivered.

Last week I set my ringtone as Mr Lonely by Akon just to be ironic. Sadly, I haven't had the chance to hear it yet.

I never understood the concept of clamping.
You don't want the car to park there, yet you put a device on the car's wheel to ensure they can't move.
Genius.

I don't know if you have seen it or not but there is an advert trying to inform us that fake medicine off the internet can harm us, and in the advert we see a guy pulling a dead mouse out his mouth and a voiceover saying:
"Rat Poison. One of the potential substances that can be found in counterfeit drugs"
Regardless of all the stupid inaccuracies in this advert, ONE came to my attention the fastest. Are they trying to suggest rat poison is made of dead rats?

Top Tip.
London Borough Council. Putting a second 'No Ball games' sign 8 yards (7.32m) to the left of the current one will save us having to use a jumper for a goalpost.

Dave's girlfriend left him today.
She said it was because Dave wouldn't stop talking in the third person.

I see the only original member of the Sugababes has been kicked out. Maybe she can contact the other two and form a tribute band.

My girlfriend warned me that if I got her one more stupid gift then she would burn it, so I got her a candle.
That showed her.

So it looks like Cornish has finally become a dead language.
Or, as they say in Cornwall, "a dead language".

25/11/05 - George Best died.
26/11/05 - 24 hour licensing laws took effect.
Alanis Morrisette take note...THAT really is ironic.

I recieved this reply on youtube when I suggested that Rugby players are physically tougher than American footballers
SGguitar22 (6 hours ago)
u just mad cause u aint us. we actually get food
This really sums up America.

Definition of irony:-
Fat people having to resort to jogging pants when they can't get trousers to fit them.

There's no worse feeling than the millisecond you're sure you're going to die when you lean your chair back just a little too far.

I lost my keys this morning. I had turned the house upside down, when a mate of mine told me to look in the place I least expect. Strangely enough, my keys are NOT in locker E17 of the women's changing room in Iffley Gym, st. Bernard's street, Andorra. What a waste of a trip.

As the head of security in a Saudi department store, I always find it ironic when I catch someone stealing gloves.

When I was at school I belonged to a gang called The Secret Seven and we were sworn to secrecy.
We were so good that I never found out who the other six were.

My Physics teacher says my understanding of forces is the worst he's ever known.
Personally I think he's pushing my leg.