Joke Joke

"Schoolboy, 15, hangs himself after 'being plagued by online bullies' "
See, it's not nice calling people forum rats.

Joke Joke

Wispa Duo: cunningly convincing fat birds that they have enough will power to save the other half for later, whilst actually selling them twice as much chocolate.
Speeding them towards a lardy grave, Cadbury's I salute you.

Joke Joke

Facebook is like a refrigerator. You get bored and keep on checking it but nothing ever changes.

Joke Joke

In Tinie Tempah's song 'Written In The Stars' it says ''But have you ever been so hungry that it keeps you awake''
Well no i'm not African?

Joke Joke

I played a little trick on my wife today...
I gave her a large dose laughing gas on the way in to her mother's funeral.

Joke Joke

If u want to see a room full of panicked looking faces walk into the offices of injury lawyers for u and pretend to slip over and brake your arm.

Joke Joke

99% of people in this world are Stupid. Luckily I'm the other 2%.

Joke Joke

Bras are like coffee; three cups is too many.

Joke Joke

I was lying in bed this morning when my wife shouted up the stairs that two blackbirds were in the garden pinching nuts and fruit off the bird table.
Imagine my surprise when I went downstairs only to find that two blackbirds were in the garden pinching nuts and fruit off the bird table.

Joke Joke

I don't usually laugh at jokes about feathers, but...
This one tickled me.

Joke Joke

Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent.
Now the alarm clock's broken and I'm wide awake, so I'm not sure who won.

Joke Joke

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
But teach a man to fish... And you've saved yourself a fish.

Joke Joke

A friend of mine rung me and said he had just seen the actress from the 1960's tv show The Avengers cycling past him.
I said "Honor Blackman?"
He said "No....... just on a push bike"

Joke Joke

I think it's rather unfair how all the Harry Potter fans can turn up to their movie wearing wizard-like clothing, but when I turned up with my car to watch transformers they wouldn't let us in

Joke Joke

The good old days.
You were told to go and play on your bike and not take another Ritalin.
You were told you were thick at school, not dyslexic....
and when you posted a joke on Sickipedia you checked the categories for similar jokes.

Joke Joke

I heard a genuinely hilarious joke earlier today, I'd post it here but it would look totally out of place..

Joke Joke

Some people have to post Sickipedia jokes on facebook to make people think they are funny. When they are not. They are just fat.

Joke Joke

Anyone ever noticed that Zombie's never tend to get full up?

Joke Joke

As my wife sat down in her car I said, "You've got a fat tyre".
She said, "Don't you mean a flat tyre?"
I said, "Look down at your belly and tell me that's flat".

Joke Joke

I had to ring the kid's school today, apologising for them being late in and a little dishevelled, due to us sleeping through the alarm ..
We were quite lucky too it was only a small fire.

Joke Joke

My friend spends a fortune a week on laundry whereas I just give my clothes to Oxfam.
They wash, dry, iron and mend the clothes then I buy them back for 50p.

Joke Joke

You can say what you like about Pacifists.

Joke Joke

At work, I always treat new customers like they're my girlfriend's knickers...
I like to rip them off but they're not to be sniffed at.

Joke Joke

I hate admitting that my jokes have been buried, it sounds so final.
I prefer to say that theyve gone on holiday to Brazil.

Joke Joke

My Girlfriend left me today because she said I was too old fashioned,
I nearly fell off my penny farthing