I'm a Sickipedian and duplicating Windows 7 jokes was someone else's idea
I'm a Sickipedian.
And jumping on the Windows 7 bandwagon, was my idea.
I spent hours thinking up a joke on people with no tongues but then I thought... nah it'll be tasteless.
An exponential walks into a bar. He pulls up a bar stool sits down and asks the bar man for a pint.
Over in the corner theres a large group of functions, sines, cosines logs all sitting around having a laugh telling jokes and sharing stories.
The bar man comes over and asks the exponential why he's all alone and not over having fun with the other functions.
The exponential answers in a low voice, "I tried to integrate but nothing happened"
Doctor: What do you see when you look at this?
patient: A dead hooker with no arms or legs.
Doctor: Interesting, what about this one?
patient: A homeless man chopped into pieces.
Doctor: Very interesting indeed, and what about this one?
patient: Look, don't you have coroners for this kind of thing?
The local orphanage asked for a donation.
So I sent over two of my kids.
I was enjoying a quiet pint on my own when this guy came over and asked if I fancied a game of pool.
"I haven't played for ages," I replied, "But, yeah, go on.... why not."
"Great," he said, as I started to get up, "Can I read your newspaper and have your seat then?"
I had a father son moment today when i was putting up a Piata for his birthday,
He just looked at me and said "I'd hit that".
I fell out of a 600 story building and lived!
Thankfully I wasn't at the top!
Tragically, I'm an only twin.
A young boy and his dadwent outfishing one finemorning. Aftera few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breathe under water?"
His dadthought about itfor a moment, then replied, "I really don'tknow, son."
The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?"
Once againhis dadreplied, "Don't know, son."
Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?"
Again,his dadreplied. "Don't know, son."
The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mindthat I'm asking youall of these questions?"
"Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"
Did you hear about the detective who lost his luggage?
It was a brief case.
I was telling my daughter the story of the Three Little Pigs.
She said, "Dad.., why did they ever get rid of the minimum height requirements for joining the police?"
As my wife breathed her last breath, I felt a lump in my throat.
I'd swallowed her inhaler, but it was worth it.
Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.
I thought I'd put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I was watching the national hairdresser championships on TV earlier,
apparently they ran out of time for the live coverage,
it's ok - I can watch the highlights later...
What's with the sudden influx of database latency jokes?
Seriously, cut it out. 867 of us will never get to read them anyway.
What's the best timber for kindling?
I don't mean to be big headed but I was great in bed last night.
I slept for 18 hours.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Just saw a advert for tesco's, offering free home delivery.
So i ordered a bungalow!!
Sadly, my practical jokes business has been served with a winding-up order.
The whole of the Middle East don't understand basic British joke structure.
When a British person says, "There's an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman," to us it's a joke but to them it's a hostage situation.
The lottery! What are the odds?
1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11...
Finefettler posted the joke,
"What does the man who places fudge into packaging at Cadburys tell his friends he does for a living?"
How do you think i feel when i have to tell girls I'm chatting up that I plant shrubs on a downwards gradient starting from the bottom working my way towards the top.