Joke Joke

I feel sorry for kids nowadays, especially when they see a toy advertised on television.
They want it but can't have it because their parents have to be 18 or older to buy it.

Joke Joke

I walk past a camping site today.
Sorry, that should be past tense.

Joke Joke

My wife tried accusing me of being so lazy that I don't even bother telling the punchlines of my jokes.

Joke Joke

So what would "The Pretenders" tribute band be called ?

Joke Joke

'Non-Flammable' says one thing to me. Challenge.

Joke Joke

My wife is a self harmer.
She eats her own cooking.

Joke Joke

This really ugly woman goes to see her doctor, severely depressed and suicidal.
"Doc, I can't stand it any more," she says. "No-one will look at me, touch me or kiss me. Can you help me at all?" she asks.
The doctor replies, "Sure, just lie down over there on the couch first. Face down, please."

Joke Joke

TOP TIP
To get sincere personal advice and the correct time, try calling a random telephone number in the early hours of the morning.

Joke Joke

Why are mountains so funny?
Because they are hill areas.

Joke Joke

I was talking to this girl the other day and asked what her name was.
She said, "It's Lynna".
I said, "That's an unusual name - you don't hear that every day."
To which she replied, "Actually, I do."

Joke Joke

It's Sunday today...
Rebecca Black's prophecy is coming true!

Joke Joke

I came here for a joke, not to practice my maths.

Joke Joke

What does this joke and aids have in common?
My girlfriend will get it sooner or later.

Joke Joke

I always touch really hot things, just to see how hot it actually is.
Because I'm a bloke.

Joke Joke

I'm not racist.
All my favourite jokes are about blacks!

Joke Joke

I've just had a telephone interview for a job as an engineer with B.T.
The interviewer asked me "have you got any experience with communication systems?"
Perhaps I should have stopped and thought before replying "you do know we are on the phone?"

Joke Joke

A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing.
"Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?"
"No, I haven't. What's the problem?"
"The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!"
"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asked.
"Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."

Joke Joke

Question: Before the invention of the airplane, how did they used to feed babies?

Joke Joke

A young girl came up to me the other day the pub, well it was a bit like a restaurant, nice little bar, staff dressed very well and the decor was fantastic. Never mind. Well, she was wearing a green skirt - at least I think it was green, possibly blue - and she was about 5ft 6 - oh, wait - maybe about 5ft 3ish. Nice half-cast girl - maybe Asian, I'm not sure - and she walked up to me quite confidently (or was she shy? I can't remember). So she looked at me with her big, blue eyes - actually, they might have been brown. Well, anyway she asked me, "Are you any good at telling jokes?"
I said, "No."

Joke Joke

To build a bit of tension, I decided to use the "long pause" technique beloved of talent shows before I announced the result.
After about ten seconds the Judge said, "A simple Guilty, or Not Guilty will suffice Mr Foreman."

Joke Joke

Sickipedia stand-up comedy night??
The biggest gathering of paedophiles since Pope Benedict XVI was elected...

Joke Joke

What do you call a couple that go fishing together?
Rod and Annette.

Joke Joke

It's important to keep a backup of all your work - in the unlikely event of a server crash, it may be all you've got.
Luckily, here at Sickipedia we've got a dedicated team working 24/7 to duplicate your jokes.
Thanks, guys!

Joke Joke

How come there are even more duplicates than ever?
"Your joke is probably original". Yeah right, and my six year old daughter is probably still a virgin.

Joke Joke

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.