Generally speaking, people named Aaron have really lazy parents.
Roundabouts are a revolutionary idea.
I've never called my wife a Dog.
I wouldn't want to Diss a Pointer.
I lost my dog so I sent a tweet on Twitter to try and find him
Just seen two posts and a crossbar made entirely out of fruit.
It was a peach of a goal
My mum's ran off with a black man!
It's Linford Christie. She'll never keep up.
I watered a dwarfs family tree today.
Hopefully they grow now.
My love for music will be the deaf of me
There are two types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data and...
A mechanic friend of mine died recently, he had an open gasket funeral.
People with time machines need to stop living in the past.
You know you're schizophrenic when you're your own doctor.
All mushrooms can be eaten, some even more than once.
I just bought half an ounce of the finest herb from a rapper I know. It was lethal basil.
For self-harmers everywhere
Watching TV always reminds me of why I don't watch TV.
Apparently it's rude to ask a woman her weight except when she was just born, but since I don't boast about how many ounces the last thing that came out of my body was, neither should the mother.
Define irony ?
Small doors at McDonald's.
Anyone who says they don't make fun of a muslim's eating habits are telling Porkies.
British summertimes are the BST.
I've been gagging to get some peace and quiet from the wife.
my friend got bit my a mosquito.. it was malariaous
Today my fashion statement is, "I missed a spot shaving."
I went to a Blunt People Anonymous meeting last night.
It was fine.
My wife's so unfit she can't even catch up with her sleep.