That's Fergie time folks....

People often think I'm from Kent. I hear them whisper it as I walk past.

Has anyone else noticed that its always the guys without girlfriends that win arm wrestles.

Is there a way to say "I'm flashing this light just for the sake of it" in morse code?

You know you're good in bed when your daughter comes before you do.

Pack Ease was not a good name for my removal company in hindsight

It's a small world - but I wouldn't like to paint it.

I couldn't be a pessimist if I tried.

I can safely say, my tonsillitis has cleared up.

You know you're having a disastrously depressing day when you half expect to run into Nicolas Cage.

Going to uni with a girlfriend is like taking a packed lunch to a chocolate factory

Who else pretends to get it in the wrong hole to see if she'll go for it?

Morrissey: A man so depressed, the bottle hits him.

I've found the easiest way to get into a girls pant's, wait til she leaves the house.

Flies spread diseases. Especially when open.

Right then, let's see how the U.K do against Germany without the US interfering and claiming credit this time

Does a disabled Gypsy live in a paravan?

Poor Holland. Not the first in an orange shirt to lose face though

When it comes to choosing which tv to buy I'm easily led.

It so hot today, my armpits smell like france

I walked past a shop that was selling microscopes.
So I went in for a closer look.

If nature provides its own warning signs, why do women need mace?

I come from a really rough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed once and found a guy at the bottom of it.

I have an uncontrollable urge to play a flight simulator today...

Statistically...more planes take off from runways than land on them.