Puns Joke

I tried to tell Beethoven the piano was coming.
But it fell on deaf ears.

Puns Joke

What do you call a Paki with Parkinson's?
A sheikh.

Puns Joke

My wife said that we needed to have a long and hard talk over our marriage.
Apparently slapping her across the face with my erection wasn't the long and hard matter she was talking about.

Puns Joke

There's a fine line between a square and a triangle.

Puns Joke

I've met this girl who, whenever she's around, makes me so happy.
She's called Sarah Tonin.

Puns Joke

When two egotists fight it really is an I for an I

Puns Joke

I've always thought about carrying a donor card
But I've never had the heart

Puns Joke

Indie fish go against the main stream.

Puns Joke

Its not easy working as a prison officer when you have a nut allergy.

Puns Joke

I was in the vegetable aisle at my local supermarket when the spring onions started breakdancing and doing hiphop.
The little rap scallions!

Puns Joke

My job at the cement factory seems to get harder and harder.

Puns Joke

Does anyone here have a giant catapult?
No? It was a long shot..

Puns Joke

Personally, I find there's nothing better than slipping into a hot tub - but not everyone finds big women as attractive as I do.

Puns Joke

You've gotta hand it to Thomas the Tank Engine.
He's got a great track record.

Puns Joke

I arrived home from the hospital this morning to inform my wife of the disturbing news that I had been diagnosed with a highly malignant and ultimately fatal type of blood cancer.
Like a woman possessed, she forced me onto the couch, tearing at my clothes and straddled me, making earthmoving, rampant love to me repeatedly like there was no tomorrow.
I think she's a lymphomaniac.

Puns Joke

I'd tell you a joke about my eyes but it's too cornea.

Puns Joke

"Alright Sir, are you ready for your prostate exam?"
"Yes doctor."
"Ok then, Question 1 - Where is the prostate located?"

Puns Joke

With petrol so expensive I've an idea to pour it in empty milk bottles with a bit of rag as a bung and selling it on street corners.
Everyone says I'll be making a bomb.

Puns Joke

My wife says she's leaving me because i'm too skeptical.....
She won't though...

Puns Joke

BBC News: Inmates could get phones in cells
Isn't that why they call them cell phones?

Puns Joke

I just signed in to this cool new website that I've found. Its called 'LumberJack.com'
But I soon got bored and logged out.

Puns Joke

"You've got odd socks on."
"No, I'm wearing two."

Puns Joke

turns out my statistics teacher has the same birthday as me...........
what are the odds?

Puns Joke

For years I've had a charcuterie addiction, hams, chorizos, everything. It became so bad I lost my house and family.
But I've been in a clinic for 6 months and now I'm cured.

Puns Joke

What would you call Iron Man and The Silver Surfer if they teamed up?
Alloys.