Puns Joke

My son's become a professional DJ as of late. He's doing really well for himself, I'm just not sure about the kind of people he mixes with these days.

Puns Joke

A friend of mine is studying Third World Development.
Surely there can't be much money in it?

Puns Joke

I couldn't stand losing my legs.

Puns Joke

My mate has a fear of high walls.
He's having real trouble getting over it.

Puns Joke

When it comes to sweet talking the girls, no one's better than me...
"Come back to mine and I'll give you a curly wurly."

Puns Joke

Looks like Keith Floyd had a long standing heart problem
Apparently it had been simmering for some time.

Puns Joke

Illegal taxidermy:
It's a mounting problem.

Puns Joke

What is grammatically wrong about Santa's Little Helpers?
They're subordinate Clauses.

Puns Joke

The way to a womans heart is through her purse.

Puns Joke

I've been told the best way to sink a cruise liner is to crash into it.
And thats just the tip of the iceberg

Puns Joke

I find the middle part of sandwiches quite filling.

Puns Joke

Our town vet once neutered 50 dogs in 10 minutes. We call him the ace of spayeds.

Puns Joke

One day I am going to steal a car and drive it like I actually own it.

Puns Joke

I recently cut 3 of my fingers off in a DIY accident.
I haven't felt the same since...

Puns Joke

Just seen my local blood-bank go up in flames.
This really makes my blood boil.

Puns Joke

Last week I was checked into hospital and was eating some of their disgusting food.
"Nurse!" I yelled, "These vegetables taste awful!"
I'm never allowed near the coma patients again.

Puns Joke

Whenever I put my hand down my trousers, it always feels like I've lost my little friend.
Actually, come to think of it, you can't really blame Dave for wanting to eat his lunch elsewhere.

Puns Joke

Two guys smoking marijuana - a joint effort

Puns Joke

Womansion (n): Similar to a Mansion, but consisting solely of a kitchen.

Puns Joke

Having a nudist wife has its ups and downs.
That's what happens when you don't wear a bra, though.

Puns Joke

I knew about hyperboles ages ago.

Puns Joke

I was at work the other day and a colleague of mine went downstairs to grab us some lemonades.
"How many do you reckon I'll need?" he asked.
"I dunno, just bring 7up," I replied.

Puns Joke

I saw an air ambulance today.
Well, it was that, or nothing.

Puns Joke

I'm a born again member of the reincarnation society

Puns Joke

"Server is experiencing extreme load."
That came suddenly.