My son's become a professional DJ as of late. He's doing really well for himself, I'm just not sure about the kind of people he mixes with these days.
A friend of mine is studying Third World Development.
Surely there can't be much money in it?
I couldn't stand losing my legs.
My mate has a fear of high walls.
He's having real trouble getting over it.
When it comes to sweet talking the girls, no one's better than me...
"Come back to mine and I'll give you a curly wurly."
Looks like Keith Floyd had a long standing heart problem
Apparently it had been simmering for some time.
It's a mounting problem.
What is grammatically wrong about Santa's Little Helpers?
They're subordinate Clauses.
The way to a womans heart is through her purse.
I've been told the best way to sink a cruise liner is to crash into it.
And thats just the tip of the iceberg
I find the middle part of sandwiches quite filling.
Our town vet once neutered 50 dogs in 10 minutes. We call him the ace of spayeds.
One day I am going to steal a car and drive it like I actually own it.
I recently cut 3 of my fingers off in a DIY accident.
I haven't felt the same since...
Just seen my local blood-bank go up in flames.
This really makes my blood boil.
Last week I was checked into hospital and was eating some of their disgusting food.
"Nurse!" I yelled, "These vegetables taste awful!"
I'm never allowed near the coma patients again.
Whenever I put my hand down my trousers, it always feels like I've lost my little friend.
Actually, come to think of it, you can't really blame Dave for wanting to eat his lunch elsewhere.
Two guys smoking marijuana - a joint effort
Womansion (n): Similar to a Mansion, but consisting solely of a kitchen.
Having a nudist wife has its ups and downs.
That's what happens when you don't wear a bra, though.
I knew about hyperboles ages ago.
I was at work the other day and a colleague of mine went downstairs to grab us some lemonades.
"How many do you reckon I'll need?" he asked.
"I dunno, just bring 7up," I replied.
I saw an air ambulance today.
Well, it was that, or nothing.
I'm a born again member of the reincarnation society
"Server is experiencing extreme load."
That came suddenly.