I am Still working on my Periodic Table jokes, my 79th was pure gold but I'm hoping to reach 82 so I can get a new Pb.
Earlier someone threw a load of NaCl at me, I Said "Hey that's a salt,".
Einstein was the superman of physics:
"With great power, comes a higher ratio of current to voltage."
I will be sticking to my old Gillette Fusion razor and not upgrading to the Gillette Fusion Proglide as I prefer a more strenuous "tug and pull".
Why did the particle physicist sell his Volkswagen Golf and buy a GTI?
He was looking for an improved replacement for the Standard Model.
Boost the atom economy, invest in bonds!
The search for the Higgs-Boson is like a cat, thinking it caught the red dot of a laser pointer.
Why could a black man have never theorised Newtons Theory of Gravitation?
They would have been killed when the coconut fell on their head.
I was bitterly disappointed yesterday when I found out the 'super moon' wasn't a people protecting lunar rock wearing fluorescent spandex and a cape.
My wife has decided that we need to stop experimenting in bed after things nearly got a bit messy last night.
She reckons my chemistry set could've spilled all over the sheets.
Prisoners have built a replica of the large hadron collider to try and break out of prison.
Police describe it as a real concern.
My biology teacher said to me
"Can you write me a short essay on what would happen to somebody if they had their sudoriferous glands removed?"
"Yeah, no sweat."
Doctor: "The results have come back from the DNA test."
Doctor: "I'm afraid it's negative"
"I'm going to kill him!" replied the Proton
I was in a shop buying 'The Big Bang Theory' box set earlier, when a bloke in a black top with a white collar pushed in front of me in the queue.
I went mental and smashed his head in with the DVD's.
As he lay bleeding and moaning on the floor I said to him, "it's true what they say... the truth hurts, doesn't it vicar?"
Do you know what goes through me?
On my way to work this morning I was bombarded by neutrino particles and had to go to casualty
I'm still waiting to be seen
So after several attempts of the same experiment, I can safely say
Dolphins really aren't so smart on land.
Scientists say they have discovered the menstruation genes. As long as they are not washed with my clothes I don't mind.
I had a threesome last night with two physicists. It was really awkward.
They can't solve the three-body problem.
I invented a time machine... With hindsight.
Pain receptors really get on my nerves.
Kent has stopped Schools teaching Science.
Apparently 2,500 Scientists without Jobs is enough.
I was doing a chemistry paper today and the question was "Why is NH3 important to humanity"
Apparently "to serve Mein Fuher and rid the world of Jews" i not on the mark scheme
The recent story about the faster-than-light neutrino is very interesting, but I'm having trouble keeping up with it.
My physics teacher decided to give me a tricky question.
He asked: "Why do we see lightening before we hear it?"
I replied: "Easy; this clearly shows that our eyes are in front of our ears."