Twitter: The place where stalkers can have supervised visits with their victims...

People who say cleaning is the most boring thing on earth clearly never read small childrens parents facebook updates.

Many scholars say English is one of the hardest languages to learn.
And it becomes more and more apparent every time I log onto Facebook.

I asked Mark Zuckerberg for advice on how to become a millionaire.
He told me to invest a billion in Facebook.

is stroking himself over Hannah Montana.
Oh! Sorry, I saw the amount of terrible jokes and thought I was on Facebook.

I now realise that creating an 'Ian Huntley Appreciation Society' group on Facebook was neither cool, funny or clever.

Just seen the facebook group "i bet females can reach 1 million before males"
This made me think, women are that desperate to beat us, all they could think of doing was joining a facebook group.
But then i decided to beat my wife into making me a huge dinner, just to make me feel more of a man.

The new privacy settings on Facebook will inevitably lead to 3 events:
1) A rapid increase in the number of lonely males over the age of 50 joining Facebook
2) A quiet period of a few days which they spend 'finding friends'
3) A sharp decline in the number of Facebook users below the age of 16

Tagged photo's on Facebook - Just when you think no one's got any photographic evidence of your drunken behaviour the previous night, you log in to find 50 new notifications and 10 people missing from your friend list.

What's your fine?
Girls, the higher the fine, the more of a slag you are
Lads, the higher the fine, the more of a legend you are.

Still waiting for "Brothelville" on Facebook...

So Carlton Cole has been charged with improper conduct over a status update!
Sad to see really, The F.A. clearly don't respect the rules of frape!

I just started setting up my Google+ account. I think it's cute how Google plays dumb and asks me to fill in my personal information

Random Girls Status: I'm so ugly..
First comment: You spelt attention seeking wrong..

Anyone else feel that if it wasn't for Farmville their life would have nothing to revolve around?

I don't understand why more parents don't have Facebook.
I can't be the only one who forgets their children's birthdays.

I like to occasionally frape myself to fool people into thinking that I actually have friends

I'm updating my Facebook status, whether you like it or not.

Charlotte Smith, Jenny Johnson, Clare Barlow, Rachael Skinner, Lizzy Wood and Amy Hopkins all joined the group 'Hugs from behind are the cutest'
Turns out they mean from people they know.

Everybody is suddenly like on facebook "this is england!"
Why did the have to go and change it ? I was just getting used to sparta.

It really annoys me when people don't have their photos on Facebook organised.
It makes finding girls' holiday photos that much more inconvenient.

Just seen the Facebook group - 'Yes there's plenty more fish in the sea...But you're my Nemo'
I'm taking it this group is mostly full of sickipedians considering Nemo's age..

Just got on the bus and said "40 mate" He said "I don't really know you but you seem alright"
I knew this numbers game on facebook had gone too far...

Barbie has a twitter account. How gullible do they think we are?
Like we're suppose to believe that she has time to be on twitter.

Best Facebook status ever...
Step1: post -IT WORKED!!
Step2: wait like 5minutes
Step3: post-i am going to try out my new time machine