Wordplay Joke

A new pub has opened up down the road from called The Prince Albert
it's full of studs

Wordplay Joke

I beat my mate by five frames to nil yesterday which really upset him.
He's now lost his security job at the art gallery.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: England forced to settle for draw.
Does this mean we can now start bring our Troops home, Alive?

Wordplay Joke

My mate's just formed a band called 'Mechanical wave that is an oscillation of pressure transmitted through a solid, liquid, or gas, composed of frequencies within the range of hearing and of a level sufficiently strong to be heard, or the sensation stimulated in organs of hearing by such vibrations.'
He thinks the name's too long but I think it's sound.

Wordplay Joke

I just want to make it clear, I want to be a window-cleaner.

Wordplay Joke

My mate gave up his job to become a naked prospector.
It was all a flash in the pan.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend told me she was taking vitamins.
"B complex?" I asked.
"What is life really all about ?" she replied, then started to cry.

Wordplay Joke

As I walked through our local forest, I found that an area had been cleared of trees and a gigantic eagle's nest had been built in the exact center.
It was eyrie.

Wordplay Joke

NEWS-"Knox killed room-mate"
....if only they'd had a spare key...

Wordplay Joke

I don't get all the hate for chubby chasers.
Some of us just prefer performing under pressure.

Wordplay Joke

A man said to me, "so whats your job?".
"A grave digger" I replied.
"How'd you get into that" he said.
"With a shovel".

Wordplay Joke

As a train conductor, I spend most days walking up and down the train, punching tickets.
I shouldn't do it really, but I get annoyed when people wave their tickets in my face. Makes me want to hit things.

Wordplay Joke

Now that Norwich City have been promoted, all the other premier league teams will need to modify their stadium seating areas -
to provide 'extra leg' room.

Wordplay Joke

I've just taken up fly fishing.
I'm not very good, I think I need a bigger mosquito net.

Wordplay Joke

I gained 3 pounds this week,
I must have the worst paid job in England.

Wordplay Joke

People tell me I have a pessimistic view of incest.
It must be the dad in me.

Wordplay Joke

I watched the Jewish version of The Untouchables yesterday...
Just 2 hours of CCTV footage watching pigs.

Wordplay Joke

If Phileas Fogg told me he would be going round the world in 80 days in a hot air balloon I would have told him he had his head in the clouds.

Wordplay Joke

I wish females would have a quiet period every once in a while.

Wordplay Joke

'Rare' Youtube footage - then how am I watching you?

Wordplay Joke

'Rare' Youtube footage - then how am I watching you?

Wordplay Joke

Whats a lesbians favourite fruit?
Mango

Wordplay Joke

I think it's possible to relate to mirrors.
Or is it just me.

Wordplay Joke

Today I was cooking bangers on the barbie.
Needless to say my daughter wasn't too happy about it, that's the third one this week.

Wordplay Joke

Some people think I'm gonna keep them up to date on current affairs,
Well have I got news for you