Wordplay Joke

Someone has chopped all the heads off of my daffodils...
I think it was a stalker.

Wordplay Joke

A note left for a pianist from his wife
"Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet."

Wordplay Joke

I'm a terrible psychic - I don't know about you.

Wordplay Joke

I'm considering becoming a mind reader.
What are your thoughts?

Wordplay Joke

"You make a very good cuppa," she said.
"It's my special tea," I replied.

Wordplay Joke

What's the difference between Sony and Kony?
Kony still has Eric's son.

Wordplay Joke

I saw Mr T getting on a baby horse.
I pity the foal.

Wordplay Joke

"Got any nuts?"
Barmaid replied "Yes."
I said "I could tell by the size of your hands."

Wordplay Joke

I have a thing for ginger girls...
My shotgun.

Wordplay Joke

In the early 1940's, Europe had no videogames, Internet or TV.
Thank God we had Germany to keep us occupied

Wordplay Joke

There was this group on Facebook called 'Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat'.
So I became a fan.

Wordplay Joke

I just bought Nickelback's "Best Off".
It wasn't until after I turned it on that I realised that wasn't a typo.

Wordplay Joke

My daughter said, "Dad, can my new boyfriend come for tea?"
I said, "That depends sweetheart, what's his name?"
"Corey" She replied.
"Corey what?" I asked.
She said, "Corey Ossity."
I said, "I suppose so, but don't let him near the cat."

Wordplay Joke

Went for a job interview as a comouflage expert last week.
I didn't turn up, and i got the job!!

Wordplay Joke

h
The middle of nowhere

Wordplay Joke

As a musician, I hate the key of E minor.
It gives me the E B G B s

Wordplay Joke

My wife was in a really good mood today.
I said, "What's got into you?"
She said, "Something twice the size of yours".

Wordplay Joke

Finally got head off the wife yesterday.
I knew one swing of the axe would do it.

Wordplay Joke

A lady at the supermarket asked me if I've ever drunk orange juice with pulp.
I said, "No, but I once had coffee with The Bluetones."

Wordplay Joke

What a coincidence, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson dying on the same day.
One played with Majors and the other played with Minors.

Wordplay Joke

My great uncle was so stubborn, when he died, he left a won't.

Wordplay Joke

In an attempt to cut down on Americanisms, I've been replacing all my Z's with S's.
On the downside, I now go to bed and wake up feeling deflated.

Wordplay Joke

My parents have gone to India with some friends.
Mumbai?
No, she's straight, but I don't think it's that kind of trip anyway.

Wordplay Joke

I fixed my wife up with a new job the other day - as a human cannonball.
She went ballistic!

Wordplay Joke

I told my mum I was going out for a walk.
She said, "How long will you be gone?"
I said, "Probably the whole time"