Puns Joke

So Sarah Harding is off into rehab.
Someone told me there's no girls aloud in rehab?

Puns Joke

I used to work as a refuse collector....
It was a load of rubbish though really...

Puns Joke

People say I'm good at fractions, but they don't know the half of it.

Puns Joke

I went to school in a wendy house... I found it hard to fit in

Puns Joke

Just finished my first shift as a croupier at a casino.
Dealt with everything quite well.

Puns Joke

Just quit my job with National rail.
Couldn't be doing with all the training.

Puns Joke

My teachers always said I would be an underachiever and they were right - just won the world limbo dancing championships.

Puns Joke

I was surprised to hear about the murders going on at the Batman film. If there was going to be any crime commited, I thought it would have been a spot of Robin'

Puns Joke

So I heard about the shooting at the cinema in Colorado, I guess that guy was really the Bane of their lives.

Puns Joke

I wouldn't say that Bradley Wiggins has an unhealthy obsession with cycling.
I just think he's Bike-curious

Puns Joke

I was watching the first pilot episode of the Simpsons the other day,
And i couldn't help but think that they used to be a right bunch of sketchy characters.

Puns Joke

A woman and her two children were brutally murdered and decapitated at their London home yesterday. Police are hunting the killer. A neighbour said "I heard screams and called the police. It was horrible." There has been a public outcry of support for those closest to the deceased. The family have been described as "in bits".

Puns Joke

I've never liked windmills.
I know that's going against the grain...

Puns Joke

BBC SPORT: "Tottenham in talks to sign Adebayor"
Hmmmm this could really be a shot in the foot in terms of Adebayor's career.
And the last thing they want is yet another black man getting shot over there.

Puns Joke

It was poker night and my mate randomly decided not to let me look at my cards.
What's the deal?

Puns Joke

What do you call a girl living in the playboy mansion in the Czech Republic?
Czechmate.

Puns Joke

What happens if you hook up two 9V batteries to a raisin?
You get an electric current.

Puns Joke

A zombie looked at me straight in the eyes.
He was dead serious.

Puns Joke

You should never throw wooden shoes down the toilet.
You'll clog the system.

Puns Joke

What do you call a bald king with no sons?
Heir less

Puns Joke

I ate the most wonderful flatfish today.
It was brill.

Puns Joke

I'm not a big fan of street food.
It's just a bit too pedestrian.

Puns Joke

So what if I don't know what the definition of the apocalypse is, its not like it's the end of the world

Puns Joke

Some jokes are so pointless.

Puns Joke

Abu Hamza keeps dropping his Nokia...
His phone's always off the hook!