Stupid Joke

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with Judge Judy.
"OBJECTION", I screamed.

Stupid Joke

What goes: ... ker-click, click, whiff ... ker-click, click, whiff ...
Paralympic table tennis - blind category.

Stupid Joke

I seen a bank sign earlier that read 45.
But it didn't appear to be leaning that much to me.

Stupid Joke

I try to tell blind people that their seeing eye dogs don't love them the same way they do.
They keep leading them on.

Stupid Joke

This new magazine was turning me on so much. I couldn't help but let out a loud moan of pleasure as I shot my load all over the centre pages.
As I stood there, out of breath, and sweating heavily, I realised that I love my job in construction too much.
And, I'm never allowed back in Screwfix again.

Stupid Joke

Gloucestershire Royal Hospital has an almost 100% safety record - one of the highest in the country.
They would have had a 100% safety record except for that one incident when Richard Ashcroft was given an accidental overdose.

Stupid Joke

I walked into the newsagents with a giraffe this morning.
"You can't bring that thing in here!" screamed the cashier.
"The sign on the door says no dogs."

Stupid Joke

As a teacher I love the holidays I get, but I remember looking at the calendar last year thinking 'how am I going to fill six weeks?'
It was easier than I thought.
I used a felt tip.

Stupid Joke

I would give my right arm to have a right arm.

Stupid Joke

My girlfriend accused me of being shallow...
Who cares I got a 6 pack.

Stupid Joke

A new episode of The Muppet Show is going to be broadcast and it is full of nothing more than film and cinema reviews.
I sincerely hope they get rid of Kermode the Frog.

Stupid Joke

After My laser eye surgery, the doctor told me i'll be able to see in 20/20.
Just another 7 and a half years of these eye patches then.

Stupid Joke

When I'm bored and feeling down, I like to put my whole vodka collection in to a lift and press up....
It really raises my spirits.

Stupid Joke

The cops pulled me up so I wound down the window and said, "What seems to be the problem Officer?"
"You drove right past a 'Stop' sign," he replied
"I don't like to read when I'm driving."

Stupid Joke

When I was a young child I was randomly kidnapped and it has scarred me for life.
So I have decided that I am going to build a Time machine, Travel back in time and hide the younger version of myself away from ever being kidnapped.

Stupid Joke

The economic pressures in modern Britain have had a few positive outcomes. Help for Heroes, for example.
My housekeeper now accepts payment in miniature Cadbury's chocolate bars.

Stupid Joke

So the soldiers were brought in as extra security during the 17 days of the Olympics.
Does that mean that during the Paralympics we're going to be bringing all the Paratroopers in?

Stupid Joke

I opened a new shop selling sponge cakes but sadly the business wasn't doing well.
Customers said they could still taste some soap.

Stupid Joke

I'm loving my job selling Wind Tunnels.......
It's a breeze!

Stupid Joke

Up until a very late age, i would only pull a funny face for a few seconds, just in case the winds changed.

Stupid Joke

When I was younger, my Mr.Potato head would often pick fights with my other toys, but he never won.
You should have seen how many times he had his face rearranged.

Stupid Joke

I poured a can of soda on my wife's breast before sucking on them during foreplay.
It didn't help because they were still flat.

Stupid Joke

What's Buzz Aldrin's favorite sweet?
A Polo.

Stupid Joke

I invented giraffes by uppercutting horses.

Stupid Joke

cant wait to this day four weeks ago to watch back to the future.