I went to the doctors and said, "I'm sick and tired of finishing crosswords so quickly!"
He said, "Try not to get two down sir."

Does anyone know where Concentrate is? I've been drinking this lovely orange juice from there.

"Murder accused says he is 'Crossbow Cannibal' "
Carlsberg don't do defence strategies, but if they did, they'd be about as good as their beer.

Our local rubbish collectors have issued a stern warning today...
They're stamping down on overfilled bins.

Liberty X reuniting?
Or is that just Hearsay?