I've just come back from camping and I stayedin the same socks for 5 nights.
I couldn't afford a tent.

I see #Primaryschoolmemories is trending on twitter. Personally I used to love kissing the girls behind the bike sheds, until I left.
I miss my janitor Job

I've heard the Swiss are making a hat that has all the functions of their pocket knives.
They're calling it the 'Handycap'

BREAKING NEWS IN THE CABINET RESHUFFLE
My Xbox 360 games have been moved to the bottom drawer.

Most people don't want to know when and where they're going to die, but I do.
Then I won't go there.