I was going to do a charity walk all the way through Iraq but I changed my mind.
I ran.

A guy returns home from the Doctor. His mate asks, "Why are you looking so miserable?"
The guy replies, "The doctor says I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life."
His mate adds, "That's not too bad."
The guy says, "It is - he's only given me four tablets."

Angry Birds is a chick-flick

I was speaking to a bald mate the other day.
He said "Do you know where i can get a good hair transplant? "
I said, " Off the top of my head, im not so sure "

The wife suggested we go for a night out somewhere because we haven't been out for ages. She said "How about going to the dogs one night?".
I said "Good idea, but I don't really want to spend an evening round your mothers."