Police were shocked to find bones dumped at the side of the M5 motorway.
They're now scouring the hard shoulder for Spock and Chekov.

I think its hilarious when your putting someone under, for surgeory and just before they fall asleep, say "Oh great and powerfull dark Lord, accept this sacrifice!"...
Although my senior staff did not agree, so I'm no longer a cleaner in the Hospital.

After experiencing another long delay I went up to the ticket office at the train station.
' Whats the point of having a train time table if all the trains are always late, ' I said.
' Well if we didn't have a time table how would we know the trains were late, ' replied the clerk.

Amateur Neorological surgery can be nerve wrecking.

Today, I told my wife "I'm sorry, but I want a divorce."
She said "You're joking, right?"
I replied "I am. I'm not actually sorry about it."