If I had a pound for every brain cell Dappy has, I'd be in debt.

Despite his recent indescretions Tiger Woods never lied to his wife. Whenever she asked where he was going he simply said "To play a round!"

Sitophiliacs come in pears.

If my girlfriend got pregnant, I'd have to run out and get some coat hangers.
Need something to hang all those cute little baby outfits on!

I was in the middle of a fight yesterday and I got punched in the face.
Probably shouldn't have stood between them...