I did some fundraising for my local zoo yesterday but no one gave a monkeys

Anybody else wonder why the army camouflage their helicopters in green?

I fell asleep in work today, and my boss found me.
Instead of waking me up, he put a sticky note on my chest.
It read, "As long as you're asleep, you've got a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired!"

I went into a hotel looking for a room for the night.
The Innkeeper says "The room is 15 a night. It's 5 if you make your own bed."
I replied "I'll make my own bed."
Innkeeper says "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

Two wrongs don't make a right.
Three lefts do.