School Joke

The school disco said 'Cash prize for whoever dresses the most retro.'
So I turned up with just a leaf covering my dangly bits.

School Joke

The school register:
The kid from Eastern Europe - Check
The kid with Tourette's - Tick
The birthday boy - "Present"
The deaf kid - "Ear"
The kid on drugs - "Hi"
The dead kid- "ah late again i see"

School Joke

"I graduated from Cambridge wath a masters degree in arts..............would you like fries with that sir?"

School Joke

I was doing a talk at my local University earlier, addressing the 'people of the future'....
I really hope we have a plan B...

School Joke

I was always the best at maths in school.
Pretty much the bare minimum as a teacher.

School Joke

At school they call me the whizz kid.
But then again that's only cause I wet myself in the GCSE maths exam.

School Joke

I was doing a chemistry paper today and the question was "Why is NH3 important to humanity"
Apparently "to serve Mein Fuher and rid the world of Jews" i not on the mark scheme

School Joke

As I lay beneath the stars taking hundreds of spectacular pictures I couldn't help but think...
I've just taken voyeurism to an all new level of low.

School Joke

The school Career's Adviser is speaking to Johns dad. "Frankly," he said, "Your son is rude, churlish,vacant with an intelligence level bordering on moronic. On the rare occasions that I can extract a response from him, inevitably it is monosyllabic..... We think he has a great future ahead of him selling trainers in Sports Direct

School Joke

Got my results today, and like the thousand of other spotty tennagers i am over joyed. The condom worked and the girlfriend isn't pregnant.

School Joke

If there's one thing I definitely get from exams it's a new pen.

School Joke

I got all Bs and Cs at school.
It wasn't until I was a bit older that I moved onto harder drugs.

School Joke

My school is putting on a play to show people how in danger African children are.
We don't get pre-show snacks.

School Joke

I said to my son, "What did you do at school today?"
He said, "We learnt about all the capitals."
"How many do you know?" I asked.
He said, "All of them."
I said, "All of them, are you sure?"
He said, "Yes, they're just like the small letters, but you write them a bit bigger."

School Joke

"So today I had this english test, and one question confused me. I had to find the past tense of "Think".
So I thought and I thought and I thought, and at the end I wrote: Thinked"

School Joke

For those taking their exams, remember what OCR really stands for...
Observe
Copy
Repeat.

School Joke

The Government should sack all the striking teachers and replace them with long-term unemployed Greeks.
They'd be glad of 36 weeks work a year.

School Joke

None of my mate's understand Venn diagrams, but my girlfriend and all her mate's do.
We move in very different circles.

School Joke

My PE teacher was a bully who went ballistic just because I couldn't complete the school cross country run after I pulled a calf.
He roared "I DID NOT TELL YOU TO STOP RUNNING!" as he dragged me off the baby cow.

School Joke

Teacher says:' so Rob the saying 'It only takes one tree to make a thousand match sticks, and it only takes one match to burn a thousand trees' what can we take from this?'
Rob: ' the other 999 matches

School Joke

Just like a lot of kids my age across the country i got my results back today and they are awful,
I've got chlamydia

School Joke

My old teacher was incredible at history. He knew the date of every battle, the wife of every king, the winner of every war.
Shame he taught Biology.

School Joke

Just did a series of multiple choice question tests....I got all a's.

School Joke

There was a time I couldn't even spell the word "teacher".
Now I is one.

School Joke

Am I the only person who, when they finished their exams at school and the teacher said, "It feels great when you're done doesn't it?" who replied,"That's exactly what you said to me last night, Miss".