Money Joke

I've just played and beaten my best friend at monopoly, losing because he had a community chest card that bankrupt him.
He never had a chance

Money Joke

Put 7.50 in a pot and get a stranger to do the same. Then offer them the pot for 10 and leave with them thinking you've both made a 2.50 profit.

Money Joke

QuickQuid, because everyone is stupid enough to have all their outgoings at the end of the month...

Money Joke

Money is a lot like women.
If you own a lot of it, you can get into all kind of positions.

Money Joke

"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
Not so fun in Zimbabwe...

Money Joke

I have been HIV+ for a while now and today I found an unmarked headstone in our garage.
My wife said "It's for you".
I said "Over my dead body".
She said "Yeah"

Money Joke

I'm so poo, I can't even afford the "r".

Money Joke

BBC news: "Reward of $5m for US agent death"
You might as well make money doing something you love.

Money Joke

I've just seen the couple who won the Euromillions.
They are fat and Scottish and old and look like they could be brother and sister and I'm not bitter in the slightest!

Money Joke

They say counting money is bad luck,
In that case poor people dont have much to worry about.

Money Joke

Taught an American about small currency exchange rates.
Took a while but the penny dropped eventually.

Money Joke

I work on the end of the production line at the U.S. Bureau of printing and engraving.
The buck stops with me.

Money Joke

You know it's bad when you receive a letter from Blockbuster saying you owe a late fee for a VHS rental

Money Joke

Why do Jews have such long life expectancies?
They don't like to buy it.

Money Joke

My wife told me she's pregnant with a girl. That's great, I can save 20% on allowance!

Money Joke

Saw a book today at a car boot sale called "I Can Make You Rich"
Works then?

Money Joke

I punched a hole in the wall earlier.
The bank were NOT happy.

Money Joke

Protesters at NATO summit want to eliminate currency. Greek government takes their advice.

Money Joke

why do things cost more when you buy them in a toilet?

Money Joke

I tried World of Warcraft and an error showed up on my computer.
It seems my bank account doesn't support WoW.
It suggests I upgrade my job and try again.

Money Joke

A black man stopped me and asked for a pound for the bus fare home!
I gave him a score and told him to take his family with him!

Money Joke

Women are like bank accounts, heavily in the red every month!

Money Joke

Last year I became a Stock broker.
This year I'm a lot broker.

Money Joke

I was born with ten thousand baby teeth.
Which I thought was kind of cool, but my parents strongly disliked it for some reason.

Money Joke

In the UK's latest sport "rich list", footballers and F1 stars have topped the list. Unfortunately, no women made it into the top 100.
I'm not surprised. The women's Premier League is an oxymoron, and I certainly wouldn't trust a woman to drive to ASDA, never mind belt round Silverstone at 180 miles an hour.