Shopping Joke

Where does a one-handed man shop?
The second hand shop.

Shopping Joke

Got kicked out of an antiques store today because my payment was not "full"
apparently the fact that the vase was 2nd hand was not an excuse.

Shopping Joke

In the days before money was invented, people used fruit and vegetables to pay for goods.
That would be quite awkward if you wanted to purchase fruit and vegetables.

Shopping Joke

While queuing at the checkout in Tesco's today,
I had plenty of time to admire their 8 'show purposes only' checkouts.

Shopping Joke

Whilst out shopping I often wondered what C & A stands for,
I've just realised it's to help women to get their knickers on the right way round

Shopping Joke

When out shopping one day my wife exclaimed 'Homebase really is my home away from home!'
They do some nice kitchens after all.

Shopping Joke

'Hi there and welcome to Hollister! Would you like earplugs, a gas mask or a flashlight?'

Shopping Joke

Spring Deal:
50% off all trampolines

Shopping Joke

I'm very disappointed with Marks and Spencer. I didn't see any black women in underwear for sale in any of their departments.

Shopping Joke

'The new Tesco app let's you order from your iPhone'
Because iPhone users weren't quite annoying enough.

Shopping Joke

I always feel awkward when I wear a blue and yellow T-shirt in Ikea.

Shopping Joke

Want to find out what most of your Christmas presents are early?
Simply look at your family and friends' eBay feedback.

Shopping Joke

Tempo Clothing, "Sale Last Week!"
I thought, "Why are they telling me now?"

Shopping Joke

Waitrose.
The easy way to lose your money.

Shopping Joke

I bought a TV aerial today and everyone in the shop starting to whoop, cheer and clap.
I got a great reception.

Shopping Joke

Argos;
The only thing it needs to sell to its customers is a New Gene Pool

Shopping Joke

I've just received an email to say that I've won a 1000 shopping spree in waitrose.
I'm so excited, I don't know whether to buy 3 loafs of bread or 6 pints of milk.

Shopping Joke

I don't buy sure as the adverts sound too sarcastic.

Shopping Joke

Personally, I never buy anything off the black market. It never works and theres no way of sending it back.

Shopping Joke

I've just been made redundant, gonna have to make some sacrifices and go back to Basics...
Yep, that's right, no more Taste the Difference for me!

Shopping Joke

I went into my local music shop and asked for something that goes 'ping'.
'Ping?' The owner asked.
'You'll do!'

Shopping Joke

I'm releasing a new product this winter called 'Chocihot', its a chocolate bar designed to make you feel warm inside.
My slogan is going to be 'Chocihot kills!'
Lambert and Butler had the same idea and they are selling in the millions...

Shopping Joke

I went shopping today hoping to update my look.
The sales girl informed me that combat chic was the latest thing, pointing to a mannequin that was sporting the current fashion.
The boots are cute, I thought, but I just can't see myself in camouflage.

Shopping Joke

The local supermarket has a "buy two get two free" offer on pregnancy tests (yes, really, just for those girls who think they'll need 4 kits in the near future).
And a special offer on wine by the case.
Coincidence?
Tesco: proudly serving the nation's slappers since 1919.

Shopping Joke

The local supermarket has a "buy two get two free" offer on pregnancy tests (yes, really, just for those girls who think they'll need 4 kits in the near future).
And a special offer on wine by the case.
Coincidence?
Tesco: proudly serving the nation's slappers since 1919.