I'm currently reading 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
Which freaked me out because I didn't think he knew anything about my life.

I bought a book to help me overcome my shyness and it really works.
Now I can talk to people while hiding behind it.

If an infinite amount of monkeys had an infinite amount of typewriters
how long would it take them to write the complete works of Shakespeare?
...I dunno but I reckon in the first three seconds they'd have written
the autobiography of Katie Price.

Tomorrow sees the release of the audiobook of 'Fifty Shades of Grey'.
Read by Joe Pasquale.

New Oxford Dictionary entry reads:
Clown's pie (n). A very, very wet minge. "Finding ourselves alone in the shooting lodge at Balmoral, Her Majesty bade me descend to her ladygarden. After 50 years of widowhood, I found her to be considerably aroused. It was like being hit in the face with a clown's pie". (From"The memoirs of Queen Victoria's Ghyllie" by John Brown )

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on how to be a taxi driver.
The librarian replies "It's just around the corner."

I'm pretending to the wife that I'm interested in the book 50 shades of grey.
That way, she wont think I'm a pervert when the film comes out.

I love that Sickipedia have finally released a joke book!
Now I can add published writer to my CV
All I have to do now is avoid applying for jobs were the boss is either disabled or part of any ethnic minority

Some pages from J.K. Rowling's new 'adult' novel have been leaked on the internet.
Chapter 1.
Fifty Eight year old Harold Potter was out for a walk near his old school when, suddenly, he saw an owl flying towards him.....

You know your career's going nowhere when your autobiography is being sold in Poundland.

For the past 10 years, I've been trying but failing miserably to write my autobiography.
Story of my life.

I've been writing short stories for years but recently decided to work on a full length book.
Its a novel approach.

What a rip-off!!
I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying, "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions."
Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just had to buy one.
Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about
.........Chess

I just spent an absolute fortune on books advising me on how to save money...

My Shadow and I.
An autobiography of the life and times of a ginger, and his life-long and only friend.

BBC News: "Mr Fox challenges foreign aid pledge"
Fantastic.

My wife's been reading the dictionary every night for a month.
I think she's up to something.

I've just read a book about a fan.
It's a real page turner.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."
The day I realised I was Bipolar.

My friends just accused me of ruining the latest Harry Potter film for everyone.
They're overreacting, all I said was that Harry, Ron, and Hermione have to go on a quest to find the rest of the Horcruxes.
I didn't even mention to them that Snape gets killled, Harry kills Voldemort, Dobby gets stabbed and dies, Hedwig dies, Fred dies, Harry marries Ginny, Ron marries Hermoine, Harry dies and comes back to life, Lupin dies, Tonks dies and Harry and Ginny have 3 kids.

Just finished reading Anne Franks diary and I have to say its a FANTASTIC book!
Also, it's great marketing. It has a great cliffhanger, can't wait for part 2 to come out!

I've just written a book about the inventions of Thomas Edison.
It's for those who enjoy a bit of light reading.

Too make a long story short..
..I didn't finish 'Lord of the Rings'.

You can accidentally change the outcome of any night by not noticing that typing 'pints' into dictionary text first comes up as 'shots'.

Dear Stephenie Meyer,
Please do a tour of Britain, explaining to women how your books are FICTIONAL. You're ruining my mojo.
Sincerely,
Lonely Teen