I rang my friend up earlier with my iphone 4.
i thought hang on a minute...

Difference between Chris Moyles and his listeners?
His listeners eventually grow up.

I asked my wife where was my dinner..... She went on a right one, screaming that if I gave her a hand it would be done quicker... so I gave her a hand......... a right one........ I'm still waiting for my dinner and she seems to be having a kip on the kitchen floor. On the positive side she's gone all quiet now.....

I phoned the police today.
We hadn't chatted in ages...

I was trying to think of a name for a band and all I could come up with was 'The Telephones'.
I thought it had a ring to it.

BBC News: Texas Homes Destroyed By Wildfire.
I didn't know HTC had an app for that!

I was upset when my wife told me I was too pedestrian about life.
So I went for a waik.

Even the families of staff at Clinton will be sending their loved one a sadface text message rather than forking out three quid on a card

What were the three quickest ways to get a message to as many people as possible in as short a time as possible before email?
1. Telephone
2. Telegram
3. Tellawoman

I was exchanging emails with a 45 year old bloke for ages and we arranged to meet.
When I got there, it turned out to be some really fit bird my age. How disappointing.

I went into the estate agents today I said "Hi, I wondered if you could help me I have a flat?"
The estate agent said "Oh, are you looking to sell it?"
I said "No, I'm looking to blow it back up."

*IF YOU CAN READ THIS*
Then you're probably not using a Blackberry

O2 is the most unselfish lover ever.
Its just gone down on the whole country.

What would you do with your unlimited texts from orange, if you top up just 15 per month using their new offer?
I'd text o2 and thank them for coming up with the idea three years ago...

I've started a mobile phone network that covers 1% of the UK.
I'm going to sell it to Vodafone.

As a student nurse I had little money for meals so I ate the awful food provided at the hospital canteen.I often took my break in the ward kitchen and sometimes kindly visitors would hand in treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said, ' Would you eat this up, love. '
The pie was absolutely delicious,full of meat with a light golden pastry,I ate it in next to no time.
Soon the woman returned and said, ' Is me 'usbands pie 'ot enough yet? '

Who else joins the 'Lost my phone, numbers please...' Facebook groups, just to rob the numbers of people you'd never normally get them off

Texting - Because a 5 minute conversation should take all day.

I just got a weird text from my best friend saying,
"Mate, I'm actually in the future right now and robots do absolutely everything for us humans"
Sent by my android.

I met this really cute girl I thought was way out my league last week in a club. I thinks she was a bit drunk but it seemed to help and I got her phone number! Now she texts me all the time:
'pls stop texting me'
'i dnt want u fllwing me agen'
'wht wer u doin in my grdn lst nite?'
'im goin 2 call the plc'

My wife was on the phone sorting out our insurance.
"And your postcode?", asked the operator.
"TW7 5HQ", my wife replied. "That's T for train, W for woman, H for house and Q for Cuba."
I swear to God I could've slapped her!

"iPad. There's no right way and no wrong way"- to hold it.
If only the iPhone was this advanced

I update my facebook status using my Blackberry so as people think I am out and have a life.

Did you know that the bluetooth mobile headset was invented by a German man?
Hans Free.

My wife asked "Did you remember to send that fax for me?"
"Yes" I replied "I sent it this morning."
"Ha got you!" she said "You didn't send it, I've just seen it on your desk."