You can make the new iPhone work just like a Blackberry
By turning it off.

They are going to make cigarettes look as plain as possible or even cover them up completely to make them unappealing.
Kind of like Muslim women then?

A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.

I'm on the new O2 plan...
Unlimited Smoke Signals
250 Pigeons a month
Free messages in a bottle to other O2 customers

The bank just rang me with regards to my new current account.
I must admit, I wasn't very impressed with what I heard.
A Paki's voice.

I was gonna download the Adele app.
But it wouldn't fit on my phone.

Girl- How much do you love me?
Guy- Well, look at the stars and count them. That's how much I love you.
Girl- but, its morning.
Guy- Exactly.

Predictive text is a female invention, because it's another thing that knows what you're going to say before you've already said it.

Why is it when your phone is running low on battery that it insists on reminding you every few seconds?

"The Nokia N8, what will you do with it?"
Make a phone call hopefully.

My mate came up to me and started showing off his new iPhone 4S.
"Oi mate, can your phone do this?" He asked, "Redtube." He said, and the iPhone instantly went onto Redtube.
"No," I replied, rolling my eyes.
"Haha! I've just downloaded a new app" He said gleefully.
My phone vibrated and 100 text messages came through all at once saying, 'Can your phone do this?'
"Look mate, I know I've got a Nokia 3310, but can your phone do this?"
And with that, I launched it into his face knocking him clean out.

I was accused of being an immature coward today.
"I know you are, but what am I?" I whispered, as I walked away.

Most popular iPhone App of the month:
Public Telephone Box Locator.