A hypersonic jet is being developed in America.
The good news is it will be able to fly from America to the UK in one hour.
The bad news is it'll be full of Yanks
Whats does the new iPhone 4.0 and me have in common? We both get a terrible reception when we get turned on at funerals.
Apple are the only company that would make a device that needs gloves to hold it so it works properly, but if you wear gloves you cant use it properly.
I had trouble getting onto my website earlier so I called my mate who was an IT technician.
"Have you tried disabling cookies?" he said.
"Well I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man..."
Tech support: What version of windows do you have installed?
Me: Double glazed.
An experienced motor vehicle mechanic is instructing an apprentice in the basic principles of the trade:
"Now, open the bonnet and look inside. Adopt a puzzled expression and shake your head slowly ..."
I live in constant fear that one of my applications will suddenly test me on the Terms & Conditions I claim to have read.
Some sources say that over 80% of desktop computers are infected with a virus called Windows.
I just dont understand, when i put an ad in the newspaper about meeting hot, single girls in my area, theres absolutely no reply.
But as soon as i go online, there's absolutely hundreds that are ready for me to meet them? I just dont get it.
There's only one reason I use inprivate browsing and I think a lot of men do the same.....
By surprising your wife with an expensive necklace from the jewellers.
Apparently the Sickipedia iPhone app will soon be updated
to allow iPhone users to login, vote and add Jokes.
I hope they remember to add that little
"Posted via my iPhone"
For no particular reason of course.
My wife is leaving me because apparently I'm not 'man enough'.
Well at least now, I will get my turn on the Playstation.
Barack Obama, David Cameron and Bill Gates are called to a meeting by God about the future.
"I have given you the chance to help change the world and you have failed, tell your people the world will end in 2 weeks" God announced.
Barack Obama said, "I have good news and bad news, the good news is God exists but the bad news is we will die in 2 weeks".
David Cameron said, "I have bad news and really bad news, the bad news is God is angry and the really bad news is he will destroy us in 2 weeks"
Bill Gates said, "I have good news and great news, the good news is that God thinks I am one of the most powerful men in the world, the great news is we don't have to fix the new windows bug"
I see Sickipedia is being condemned in the news again for users posting Jokes about Liam Gill hours after his death.
Even the media is complaining about database latency now.
My new iPhone's kinda like my girlfriend... I use it, then lock it away in a box.
just been banned from xbox live.
Apparently when playing jewish people its against the rules to start shouting in german and to only use smoke grenades.
Bebo has been shut down. Tens of people will miss it.
A US soldier kills and injures troops at an American military base.
I guess the wait for Modern Warfare 2 was a little too much.
There's a new iPhone Karaoke app. Apple have finally created the most annoying person to ever sit next to you on a train.
My grandad doesn't do well with technology. I bought him a digital frame and now he's starting to think he has Alzheimer's.
I created an amazing new iPad app that would instantly turn its user into a pretentious douche.
Apple rejected it, saying it duplicated core functionality.
The win has definitely been put back into windows
Today I played Snooker with a friend but he was useless.
Wouldn't even let me put chalk on his head.
I don't write on your Facebook wall so you can comment on it. I write on your wall so you will write back on mine and make me seem more popular. Work with me here.
Has anyone seen the interactive 'stop knife crime' advert at the bottom left corner of the Windows Live Messenger contacts page, where you can pick up the knife by scrolling over the picture?
The hand is black.