Brilliant! I have just been to my local cash machine to withdraw 20 and afterwards it stated 'You have not been charged for this transaction'. That's great! Normally they take 20 out of my account when I do that! I shall certainly be going there again!

I have just been down to the Dale Farm Bureau de change.
They do an excellent rate on travellers cheques.

If I had a pound for every time my bank asked me to pay my overdraft
I probably could.

A homeless man asked me if I had any change.
I said, "I would give you some...but I'm in a hurry. Sorry!"
"Oh my" he snarled, "Where are you going?"
"The slot machines."

I've written a small poem about optimism.
It's going to make me a billionaire.

My wife accused me of wasting money the other day,
i almost dropped my iPhone 4G, iPhone 3Gs and iPad at the same time!

Improve the quality of your junkmail by always ticking the 'over 60,000 income a year' box on surveys.

My friend said I could save a bit of money by going to Iceland for my grocery shopping.
I hope he's right, the plane ticket cost a fortune.

The bank sent a bailiff round after I missed a couple of repayments, so I hung an electrical plug out of a drawer, then filmed him going through my daughter's knickers.
Put it this way, that loan doesn't need paying any more...

You know you're skint when you're asking your sink for a tap

You know you've made it big time when you have to get one of them money counting machines like off the movies.
However, I'm getting a bit sick of running the same fiver through mine over and over again

Imagine how much money you would save if you were the sample photo guy in picture frames!

I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams.
Although my dreams are far from wild.

I said, "I love you, darling"
My wife said, "Ah, what's brought this on?"
I said, "No reason, I just wanted to say it"
She said, "Ah, well thanks honey. I love you too"
I said, "Oh by the way, your mum rang. She only went and won Euromillions last night"

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can
Buy marshmellows which is pretty much
The same thing.

I once asked a scouser how much money he had.
'More than I can count', he replied.
In other words, about 100 quid.

Money has become such a problem for us that the wife has to go out on the game just to earn a few extra quid.
I'll tell her later.

Petsmart have a sale on mute Parrotts, at 3 each this offer wont be repeated.

Apparently there are no Greece fans watching the game against Poland.
They cant even afford to pay attention.

I've been fired from my job at the bank after they investigated my dealings.
By all accounts I'm guilty.

I've just got a doctors note and have taken the rest of the day off work.
It was a fifty, and that should keep me in beer all afternoon.

I've decided to adopt a jaguar for two pounds a month.
Poor dad can't keep up with the rising fuel prices.

I don't believe in change, I pay the exact amount.

Money is not the most important thing in the world, love is.
Fortunately, I love money.

A woman lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping. It was found by a little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented: "That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a 20 in it. Now there are 20 1 coins."
The boy quickly replied: "That's right, the last time I found someone's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."