Money Joke

It's surprising how far a fiver goes these days.
I walked all around Waitrose and still came out with it in my hand.

Money Joke

If I had three farthings, two shillings and sixpence for every time my gran moaned about the metric system...

Money Joke

How much is 'half a monkey' worth in London?
Not much, it's dead.

Money Joke

I've found a way to save a fortune on expensive repairs whenever my engine starts making a funny noise.
I just turn the radio up full blast and carry on driving.

Money Joke

I opted for a bit of change in my life... So I went begging.

Money Joke

I like to show off my wealth.
By not putting the trolley back at asda to get my pound.

Money Joke

Whoever says, "Money doesn't bring you happiness"
can give me some.

Money Joke

If I had a pound for everytime someone said if I had a pound......

Money Joke

I've just impressed a girl online by telling her I've been offered a new job with a 10 figure salary.
I love working in Zimbabwe.

Money Joke

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones...

Money Joke

If I had a pound for every brain cell Dappy has, I'd be in debt.

Money Joke

I'm not in debt, I'm just big-loaned...

Money Joke

Some people walk around in a Ferrari shirt to give the impression they have a Ferrari. I am that poor I have the Ferrari coat hanger, that way people think I have the shirt.

Money Joke

My Mum says I need to learn the value of money, but I don't see the point.
It's written on the side of it.

Money Joke

TODAY'S STOCK MARKETS:
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationery.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market...

Money Joke

My wife complains that I can never see 'the big picture'.
So I've taken out a loan from Wonga.com and bought a 52" television.

Money Joke

What do vending machines and black people have in common?
Neither of them ever work, and they keep stealing your money.

Money Joke

I've thought it through and through and finally decided that dwelling on my past is not appropriate and I need to look towards the future..
So, if I owe you money, I'm sorry.

Money Joke

I have no money but my wife has piles.

Money Joke

After falling into serious debt, I turned to Wonga...
and blamed them.

Money Joke

I was at the office Christmas party last night and popped out of the hotel to get some money out the cash machine. This woman approached me and said Give me 40 and Ill do anything you want so I gave her the 40 and told her to double glaze my house.

Money Joke

Gift Tokens.
Preventing your errant Grandson from spending his Christmas money on drugs and knives since 1932.

Money Joke

Latest News: The Greek football team returned to their hotel In South Africa to find they had been robbed.
Their government really is getting desperate.

Money Joke

i told my wife i had come into some money and i was going to let her spend it all...
you should have seen her face when i gave her two ten pounds notes stuck together..

Money Joke

The British chambers of commerce expects the economy to "Bounce back" in 2010.
That's all well and good, but all my cheques are going to bounce next week.