I joined the debating society at school the other day. Clearly misunderstood what my teacher meant when he said we would have a maths-debate...

I was always warned as a kid not to blow my own trumpet
However it was that mentality that caused my exclusion from the school orchestra

I remember in primary school we had a cupboard where we would kiss the girls at break time. A lot has changed since my day.
Its an abortion clinic now.

At school I was known to be a bit of a maths genius, in 2003 I managed to get an A*!
It's amazing what can happen in 6 years.

what do you call a scout with a lot of BBQ's? Bear grills

I failed all my AS exams last summer, In exams I can't stop myself from doing origami. My girlfriend says its because I fold under pressure.

I've just sat through a lecture on 'how obesity affects constipation'.
It was heavy going.

Gravity is a law. Lawbreakers will be brought down!

okay so I have to stand up in front of all the staff at inset day 2morrow and talk about what inspires me as a teacher........ should I mention the 12 weeks holiday a year I get???

The only person who can get better results in my exams than me is Mark Scheme.

My dad always told me rules are there to be broken.
That is why I could never draw a straight line in school.

I couldn't be bothered getting my son a costume for his dress up day at school today, so just told him to take the laptop with him.
"How's that dressing up?" my son asked.
"Easy, just tell them your a pirate" I replied.

How do you get loads of new bestfriends?
Open a pack of gum.

I am moving to a new school and I know the other kids do "mum" jokes
I don't know how they are going to make fun of me though
I have two dads

We live in a society where the students are higher than their grades.

My girlfriend didn't do very well in her GCSEs.
And her mother didn't appreciate me saying that she could go a long way with her 34 D's.

I asked my Geography teacher where Mozambique is?
I dont know im your im your Maths teacher,he replied.
I said dont change the subject.

There is a hide-and-seek game organization, the president of which hasn't been found yet...

You're so fat, that on the first day of school you sat next to everybody.

What happened to the PhD student that was on fire?
He suffered 3rd degree burns.

I fell asleep during Geography, only to be woken up by the teacher a couple of minutes later.
"Hey, there, Sleeping Beauty!" she said sarcastically. "Why don't you tell us where Flanders is?"
Apparently, the answer "Right next to Homer, and now let me sleep, you stupid cow!" is only good for getting you a detention.

so its GCSE results day today and if i do as well as im expecting then the only letters ill be seeing is A and E

What goes, 'Two A's, Three B's, One C, Two D's and an E'?
The alphabet being recited by a dyslexic.

My Mate Always Got Bullied At School,
Can't Be Easy When You Have The Name Paul Skinback.

The kids go back to school tomorrow.
Dunno who's more excited, the parents or the pedo's?