School Joke

When I found two generous E's in my exam results today, I was a bit disappointed, but once I took them, my results were looking a lot better.

School Joke

I remember at a parents evening, my head of year told my parents my future was going places.
The asked: "Like what? Scientist? Teacher?"
He replied: "No, he's going to be a travel agent".

School Joke

After some of my students pulled a prank on me, I decided to teach them a lesson.
Since it's my job and everything.

School Joke

I was always better at Geography than Maths. When asked "what is long division?" I answered "The Berlin Wall".

School Joke

I've just failed my end of term art exam...
Q, If Jamal has blue paint and mixes it with your yellow paint, what does he get?
Apparently 'A punch' is not the correct answer.

School Joke

I was sat in my Economics lesson today, where discussion was all about complimentary goods.
A call from one side heard "Shampoo and Conditioner", "Crackers and Cheese" from another, but apparently "Vaseline and tissues" isn't a suitable answer.

School Joke

When I was at school, I spent half my time scared of things like fractions.
Well, I say half my time.

School Joke

According to the new school curriculum, children from the age of five will be expected to learn and recite poetry.
We always read poetry at my school anyway. It's just most of it was written in the school toilets.

School Joke

I had a very important role at school.
I was a day boy.
Or at least I think that's what they were shouting.

School Joke

The human brain is amazing....... It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born, and only stops when we take exams

School Joke

Tinie Tempah..... probably has more Brit Awards now than he does GCSE's.

School Joke

As a 55 year old PE teacher you might think I'm getting a bit past it. But actually the stiffness seems to go away after showers.

School Joke

My teacher said I'd do much better at school if I stopped flirting,
I immediately got off his lap

School Joke

Osama Bin Laden and I have a lot in common.
Neither one of us has done my history homework.

School Joke

In the news today apparently 50% of England"s schools are not teaching mathematics well enough, Doesn"t sound that bad to me, still less than a quarter.

School Joke

My maths teacher called me to solve a problem he wrote on the blackboard.
So I got up and erased the blackboard.

School Joke

My son's science project, about sound travelling under water, was a great success after a little help from me.
Shame about his ipod though.

School Joke

The other day, this lady who works at the local school really went off on one. "Kids of today; they don't know how easy they've got it. They can't do anything themselves and expect everything handed to them on a plate"
To be fair, she is the dinner lady.

School Joke

Just seen an ipod game called 'Surviving High School'.
I was well disappointed to find out it wasn't a first-person-shooter.

School Joke

AQA GCSE Exam Question:
Do you think exam questions are getting easier?
A. Yes
B. David Beckham

School Joke

I was called into my son's school by his headmaster.
He said, "I'm afraid to say, Mr Jones, it's clear to see that you completed Oscar's Geography coursework for him."
"Oh dear," I replied. "What gave it away? Is it because it's of a higher standardthan his usual work?"
"Not really," said the headmaster. "It's the fact that he was killed in a road accident the day we handed it out."

School Joke

Just saw the latest dyslexia figures for the UK.
They made for difficult reading.

School Joke

Playgrounds
1991 - My dad's tougher than your dad
2011 - My mum's tattoos are better than your mums

School Joke

BBC news: "shortage of male primary school teachers"
Maybe the crackdown on paedos is working a little too well.

School Joke

Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called "Headmaster?"