So, Albert Einstein said that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light.
He obviously never trod on a rake.

Today during a Physics lesson I tried my best to figure out why a Black Hole is so called.
All until my mate pointed out that they steal light and matter.
Then I understood.

Isn't it ionic that oppositely charged atoms are attracted to each other?

Ar
The atomic symbol for Pirate

If you're not part of the solution...you're either a solid or a gas.
-
Or you're part of the precipitate.
---
How sublime

Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that an evil scientist used to experiment on.
His name was Frank Einstein

So yet another successful day spent converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

Physics. Where there is NO laughing matter.

I went to an archeologist's party last night to celebrate the discovery of a caveman's leg bone.
It was quite a shindig.

The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Over the past few weeks I have been trying the "special K" diet...
I can't see any difference but now every time I jump in a swimming pool I fizz and burst into lilac flames.

Scientists have discovered a new element. It's fragile, unstable and collapses every twenty minutes. They haven't named it yet, but I suggest Kerry Katonium.

Here lies the body of Little Willie,
Alas, he is no more.
For what he thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.

Homeopathy. The air guitar of medicine.

Why did I divide sin by tan?
Just cos.

Iron man.
What a Fe male.

What did the confused Magnesium Oxide say?
OMg

I've just been to the hospital where the doctor told me my DNA was backwards.
And?

Time travel is going to have been confusing.

Scientists have discovered that some fish have paedophile tendencies.
Specifically, the ones that swim outside the school.

At the height of the arms race, the Western World and Russians realised that, if they continued, they would someday end up destroying the world. So they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with a dogfight.
The negotiators agreed that each country would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its country the right to rule the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian Wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy from each litter, killed all the other puppies and fed the lone dog all of the milk. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine, until, after the five years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on his cage. Only the trainers could handle this beast.
When the day of the big fight arrived, the British showed up with a strange animal: It was a nine-foot-long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for us. No one else thought this weird animal stood a chance against the growling beast in the Russian camp. The bookies predicted the Russians would win in less than a minute.
The cages were opened. The Dachshund waddled toward the centre of the ring. The Russian dog leapt from his cage and charged the giant sausage-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Brits dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Russian beast in one bite. There was nothing left but a small bit of fur from the killer dog's tail.
The Russians approached the British trainers, shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand. Our top scientists and breeders worked for five years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans and Rottweilers. They developed a killing machine."
"Really?" the Brits replied. "We had our top plastic surgeons working solidly for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund..."

There's incredible chemistry between me and my wife right now.
She's currently dissolving in an oil drum filled with hydrochloric acid.

Gravity gets me down, man.