It's quite ironic that when you get sent to jail in Monopoly, you don't get to collect any money that's rightfully yours. But when you're in a real life jail you get given Christmas presents, Easter eggs & Xbox360's that's paid for by the taxpayers.
I knocked one of those charity collectors out in town today because she wouldn't stop bothering me.
I couldn't care less about victims of domestic violence!
Have you ever hit your elbow, and found it even slightly funny?
My wife told me that I lack self confidence.
Though I'm sure you don't want to hear what I did....
Phobophobia - fear of having a phobia
My girlfriend didn't understand what irony was, the triangular burn mark across her face will teach her.
I wonder how bad the various Iceland foods look in real life if they all (even the desserts) look like cat food on the advert..
I don't understand my local Tattoo parlour's new promotional sign - 'Ear Piercing While You Wait'.
To be fair, I'd rather just nip off to HMV while they get on with it.
News: African fruit burns 12.3 lbs of fat every 28 days
Mother Nature, the only woman with a sense of humour
Is it just me, or does anyone else read some of the jokes on here and think "how can the person who wrote this possibly think that anyone would find this funny?"
I know i do.
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.
Nicola Roberts is appearing at T4 on the Beach tomorrow. I suspect this will be her first time on a beach ever.
"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."
- My Xbox companion.
Piers Morgan: Madonna is banned from new show because she's boring and also a con-artist.
Now that's just ironic Piers.
I applied for a job at Royal Mail 2 months ago but ain't had a reply,
Think my application got lost in the post.
It's ironic how we show our hatred towards Germany...
...by working our whole life towards collecting pieces of paper with a German lady's picture on it.
Now we'll never know if Gazza's chicken, beer and fishing rods would've made a difference.
There was an awards ceremony for adverts on T.V last night.
I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.
My dad died when the first two letters of the CURRYS sign fell on him.
Ironically, I never got chance to say goodbye.
I swear I saw my Tourette's councillor earlier.
He's not very good.
I hate people who make spelling errors because they type without looking at the keyboard.
It gets on my tots.
I read in the news "Benoit Mandelbrot, father of fractals, dies at 85"
but when I looked closer it read...
"Benoit Mandelbrot, father of fractals, dies at 85"
My doctor recently diagnosed me with Internet Addiction.
Luckily enough I've joined 46 online forums to help me overcome my problem.
You know your life is failing when you start to eat a bag of crisps that are 'made to share' alone.
I just watched this 5 hour Black Ops tutorial on YouTube and I really couldn't help feeling sorry for the guy as I thought to myself, ''Some people really have no life''.