Did you hear about the paranoia patient who joined twitter?
Not a good idea.

Facebook
Kevin McGee ..thinks death is much better than life
Matt Lucas..Yeah i know
Andy does not like this

The government have refused to subsidise my farmville, so I refuse to back their war in afghanistanville.

In about 50 years from now,gravestones will read "Beloved Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, and Facebook friend."

Just seen the Facebook Group 'I Hate Conformity'.
Yes, because starting a group against conformity really dodges that bullet.

Just had a message pop up on Facebook.
"Kathryn Rose has invited you to the event - '2011', Accept?"
I'm going to click 'No' and see if i die before midnight.

Facebook-mad couple named their daughter Like. And weirdly if you remove the word Facebook from that sentence then it makes more sense.

I've just made a new social networking site for wife beaters, it's a hit.

My mum lost her life earlier,
she joined Facebook..

So apparently there might have been signs on gary speeds facebook that he was depressed, however officials were too busy monitoring the other 450'000'000 depressed people on facebook to notice this.

there's no point coming on here any more, all the best jokes are on facebook anyway

Facebook suggests me to reconnect with my ex.
Perhaps with her window, via this brick.

Its really hits home when even Facebook tells you that you have an error when you try to poke a girl...

The unemployment level in my area doesn't seem that bad.
A lot of girls on my Facebook are listed as working at "Full Time Mummy".

I don't understand those couples that argue and a minute later change their Facebook status to "single"
I argue with my parents all the time, but i never change my status to "orphan"

A guy I know posted this message on Facebook: "I'm sad to say my closest compannion for the last 15 yers Barney the dog has dyed".
On reflection, it was probably insensitive of me to respond "what colour?"

I saw in the news that Facebook chat has been playing up.
This had had an effect on me, my contacts online is listed as (0)
Or maybe it's just because I'm ginger.

Sickipedia. A place for Facebook status' which you're scared your boss might fire you for.

It's ridiculous how many pointless posts I see that people put on social networking sites, in full view of the public, that, quite frankly, I don't need to hear about.
Anyway, I need a poo.

Worker- you added me on facebook, WTF.
Boss- may I know what 'wtf ' stands for?
Worker- it means "welcome to facebook"

What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.

Just saw a comment on facebook that a Newcastle Utd fan made yesterday:
'I doubt it will be renamed but if it ever does it will be nowhere as near as bad as calling your ground 'The stadium of Light' lol'
I'm guessing Mike Ashley read that too and took it as a challenge.
Your move, Toon Army!

Just seen a fan page on Facebook "JOIN ONLY if you were born in 1993-1994-1995-1996-1997"
Tell me, which one of you created it?

I'm going to update my Facebook status as "A tall wooden stake used to support a fence"
I'm then going to sit back and wait until someone likes my post.

Getting poked on facebook seems to be the only physical contact I get lately.