Current Facebook statuses doing the rounds: 'I may not have a magazine perfect body or long flowing hair. I may not have loads of money and expensive clothes, but when I look in the mirror I see a proud mother working hard to raise my kids. Post this if you're a proud mother'.
Translation: 'Yeah, I'm a big fat pig and the excuse I'm using is that I've had a child. Copy this if you'd like to excuse yourself. '
My synopsis: 'Don't be proud, be ashamed'.

As a burglar i have to say i am loving Apple and Facebooks latest partnership.

I bet twitter will get a record number of new members tonight

The only time my father ever told me he loved me was on his Facebook status.
I just hope he never finds out it was me who hacked his account.

Twitter.
Making following people sound less creepy since 2006.

I want people to like me for me.
Not my Facebook statuses.

Facebook now lets you put a star on the friends you want to follow more closely. I was going to do this but realised that's what hitler did.

Recent clinical studies estimate that 9% of all Facebook accounts are fake.
unless you start counting people's personalities, then that number climbs to 91%.

Just seen the group "Norfolk Facebook Users".
I'm not surprised there's a lot of users from Norfolk.
Facebook is the only social networking site which allows you to set your daughter or sister as your wife.

If Sarah Palin had a Facebook page, it would be funny if under her "Political Views" she wrote "Russia. From my house."

I can't seem to understand why all of my Facebook friends are always dying on a Sunday, yet they all seem to be alright on a Monday.
I want their doctor

fat chicks.
They always feel the need to add you on facebook.

A little bit of helpful advice for gingers, Change you facebook name too "122 people" and like all your own statuses to make it look like you have friends.

You know things have got bad when the only thing you're looking forward to in summer is girls posting their holiday photos on Facebook.

You know that modern day life is bad when they make a movie about Facebook......

Yesterday , I wrote on my friend's wall for his birthday.
He says that he was disgusted because he got it painted three days ago.

Facebook- Starting fights, and getting people laid since 2004

In case of a fire, exit building before tweeting about it.

"I'm sorry, Twitter is over capacity at the moment, too many tweets"
Well,it has been a long time since Blackburn won I suppose.

They should change the 'People you may know' thing to 'People you probably hate'

These days it always seems my conversations start with "I saw this thing on Twitter"
In 1985 it used to be " I saw this thing on Ceefax"

So i was pervin at this girls profile on facebook earlier and i noticed she joined the group "what comes around goes around NYC"
I was suprised to find out its nothing do with 9/11

BBC Headline: 'New Richest Man - Carlos Slim overtakes Bill Gates in world rich list'
Facebook - 'Friend request pending'

Facebook Status Shuffle:
For those who need help.

I can't understand it..
Why didn't Justin Timberlake frape Amy while she was in the shower?