Religion was like the original Twitter
See how many followers you can get and lie to get them
My Facebook was getting spammed with FarmVille requests and achievements, so I thought I'd check it out.
I have to say, after 5 minutes I was hooked.
I just couldn't stop adopting the black sheep with no home and I couldn't help but wonder, 'Do you think Madonna uses Farmville?'.
I saw a group on Facebook called "Dear students, I know when you're texting. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, teacher."
Unless you're a black guy sitting next to a white guy...
BBC News: "Facebook: 5 things to avoid"
What are the other 4?
I was just thinking,
Could I grow weed in FarmVille then sell it on Mafia Wars?
I was trying to explain the concept of Twitter to my mate.
He said, "I don't follow you."
When I found out I had one hour to live, it was hard to decide what I should do.
Eventually I decided, I would forward the email to 25 of my friends.
You cant beat Sickipedia for the fastest current event jokes.
Im looking forward to logging on from prison and reading all the jokes about my neighbours children.
If you haven't got anything interesting to say... join Facebook and tell everyone on there.
I hate it when couples have a little argument and the girlfriend changes her Facebook status to 'single'.
I mean, I have arguments with my parents all the time, you don't see me changing my status to 'orphan'.
I just tried to log on to the the Ethiopian version of Facebook.
It said, "Sorry, no feed available."
A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, the tractor and other equipment, the farmhouse and 22,398,750.78 in cash."
The granddaughter, about to be rich, says, "Oh my, granny, you are so generous. I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With her last breath, her granny whispered, "Facebook....."
I went on a Haitian's Facebook. His family pictures were underneath his wall.
I was wondering what that strange thing in the air was today, that blew my coffee over and made me lose my cigarette on my break at work. But thanks to my friends on Facebook with status updates, I have now found out it is windy outside.
Mark Zuckerberg's wedding reception was going well.
But, just as everyone had got used to the seating arrangement, he changed the layout for no apparent reason.
facebook.cn, the Chinese version of Facebook, was launched earlier today.
Within hours, it had 12 million pages, but unfortunately, they're all the same.
Last night I went to a fancy dress party as 'Where's Wally'. I proceeded to spend the entire night posing in the background of people's photos.
I can't wait to see these photos up on facebook.
A way to keep up to date with all the parties I haven't been invited to.
Just seen the new trailer for the film "The Social Network".
I liked it.
My friend's facebook status says "Michael Jackson you are a living legend"...
..Well, actually mate I beg to differ.
"999 emergency services police department, how can I help?"
"A man has broken into my house, he has a gun and has my wife hostage."
"Sorry, sir, but we do not have any units available right now."
"Okay, but someone has just called me a nasty word on Twitter."
"Why didn't you say? We'll have an officer around within five minutes."
I added my friend Jamal as a neighbour on Farmville yesterday.
I logged on this morning to find that all my chickens had been stolen and he'd opened up a KFC.
Facebook is a lot of hard work.. I had to create a second account for my right hand, just so I could tell the world I was 'in a relationship' with it...
When I was young I used to have an imaginary friend, now I'm on facebook I have 319.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in three years.
It's now a supermarket.