All these England shirt profile pictures on Facebook are getting on my nerves
And people didn't see the funny side when I made mine as 'Bird', number 12.

Facebook: A mirror salesman's wet dream.

My mate called me this morning telling me to check my post.
There was a letter from him telling me to check my email.
In the email, it said to check my text messages.
In the text message it said to check my Facebook inbox.
In the Facebook inbox, there it was; my mate with a smug look on his face.
Holding his new iPhone.

Gary Glitter has got over 17,000 followers in 2 days.
In other news, sales of Haribo are at an all time high

The biggest challenge for the runners in the London Olympics will be identifying the right starting gunshot.

Are you under 16 and find it difficult to make friends?
Are you over 30, with paedopohilic tendencies?
Try Facebook......................introducing people...........................

Just read that top joke about the "Ban Sickipedia" group of Facebook.
Did anyone else smile and feel overpowered with pride?

I'm a bit of a technical wizard, so when my mate's wife was complaining about slow internet connection hampering her keeping up to date on Facebook, he came to me for advice.
Obviously, my first suggestion was to move the computer out of the kitchen, to see if connection was better elsewhere in the house.

Authorities want to set up a national database of paedophiles on the internet. Ive already found one. Its called Facebook

If facebook got shut down what would we do, socialise?

I just got a message on Facebook saying, 'One of your friends fancies you, Would you like to find out who?'
I thought "I really hope it's Claire", not because I fancy her, But because out of 89 people on my friends list, she is the only girl.

What do facebook and The Samaritans have in common?
They both attract the needy.

The Pope's joined twitter!
I hope he uses the right font

'Attention Seeking' Facebookers - If you want likes so badly, why don't you just kill one of your relatives then leave a RIP status afterwards...

Theres this group on Facebook right, Treat your Girlfriend how you treat your xbox and xbox games.
play with it for a bit, till i get bored and sell it in for hard cash, punch it when i get frustrated, and when the 3 red lights come on, i immediately ring Mr gates and get a replacement, and chuck the old one in a bin bag in pieces.
sounds about right.

I just changed my relationahip status on Facebook to single.
My girlfriend thinks I've been fRaped.
She'll figure it out sooner or later.

Dear facebook status readers,
That joke you're going to post is from Sickipedia. There's an easy way round this: look at the "Top 10" jokes first, if it's not there, go to "More from today", it's more than likely it'll be there.
Kind regards.

I knew accepting my mother as a friend on facebook was a bad idea.
She went mental when she found out I'd "liked" the page "not being the still-born sibling"

What's the difference between a ginger and a blonde?
About 500 friends on Facebook.

It must be difficult for Muslim women to tell each other apart when it comes to tagging photos on Facebook.

I think I need to have a clear out on facebook, my timelines full of baby pictures.
Especially seeing as I don't know any of them.

The popular facebook application "Farmville" fails to do deal with rural youth suicide.

I love Facebook, the "Chat" option is brilliant. You can say anything you want to anyone in the world. Because they probably won't receive it.

"Tom Smith: Had a lovely day at the park".
Seeing as people are posting our jokes on their Facebook status', I feel it would only be fair to post their status' as our jokes, right?

My wife wants to leave me, she just doesn't appreciate the fact I get up at 3am every morning, work for hours. Watering the crops, feeding the animals.
That farmville is quite addictive.