I'm a Community Support Officer, and I'm a fake PC

Police knocked at my door last night and said, " Sorry for troubling you sir, but can we have a quick word?"
I said, "Velocity?"

If it's a crime to impersonate a policeman...
should community support wardens be arrested?

If you get stopped by the police in the car and they get you to wind the window down and ask, "Do you know why we pulled you over, sir?"
Apparently, "Did you forget?" isn't a suitable answer.

I don't really get what's so hot about role playing. I dated this black girl who wanted me to play the role of a police officer... so I tazed her and planted cocaine in her pocket.

Auctioneers are proof that white people could rap if they tried hard enough.

When I was little, we used to play a game called "knock and run" where you knock on someone's door and run away before they answered.
Nowadays, it's known as "Parcelforce"

Man walks into the doctors complaining of terrible headaches for which he has found no cure. He asks the doctor for help. The Doctor tells him that he too used to suffer from nasty and long term headaches but he had been cured by placing his head between his wife's thighs twice a week.
The man says he would try that and makes an appointment to check progress in a months time.
Along comes the second appointment and the man and the Doctor get chatting, "So how are are you headaches?" says the Doctor. "Just fine, all gone," says the man. "Oh and by the way, you have a lovely house Doctor."

A girl visits her doctor and tells him she has terrible discharge.
'Ok, take your knickers off and lets check it out' he says.
She drops her knickers and he has a feel around. He says 'how does that feel?'
She says 'Ruddy wonderful but the discharge is from my ear'.

"Doctor, doctor, I've got problems with my hearing."
"What are the symptoms?"
"They're those yellow people on TV."

My daughter was running a temperature so I rang the doctor. He asked was she hot.
I said, "Well, with a little make-up..."

Apparently a pub in London got in touch a few days ago asking Sickipedia if they wanted to do a Sickipedia stand-up comedy night.
I don't know about you but that sounds like a police-sting to me.

The Chelsea board.
The Metropolitan Police.
A lady with an itchy crotch.
They all regret going for that Brazilian.

Just saw this joke by swoosher7797
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My girlfriend isn't the brightest spark. I spent an hour explaining a legendary Sickipedia joke to her and she still didn't get it.
So I got 8 mates over and we really explained it to her.
Now she understands.
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You took her appendix out?

Patient: "Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!"
Doctor: "That's the least of your problems... You have AIDS."

I was arrested for impersonating a police officer last night.
It turned out alright in the end though; I let myself go without pressing any charges.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then onto a little seesaw and then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.

Police officers needed for G20 march duties. Interviews are being held tomorrow. Come early...beat the crowd.

Police: How did your wife get that mark on her forehead?
Husband: She fell down the stairs.
Police: But you live in a bungalow.
Husband: Yeah but she lives in the cellar.

Whenever I feel ill enough to make a doctor's appointment, I strangely hope that I stay sick until I see the doctor.

Newsflash!!!
Police have arrested a man for selling pills that will give you eternal youth. Records show that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested.
The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

"I know what you're thinking: did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself but, being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, you've got to ask yourself one question: do I feel lucky? Well, do you punk?"
"Look officer, I'm not even a protester, I'm just trying to get to Tesco for a sandwich."

Doctor: I'm sorry, but you're just too ugly for plastic surgery. I suggest wearing a plastic bag over your head.
Patient: Um don't you mean a paper bag...?
Doctor: Maybe I didn't emphasize how ugly you are...

BBC News...."Riot shield sledging PC's told off."
I'm a PC and sledging on a riot shield was my idea.

Black police officers...
Fighting crime with crime.