It has been reported that Italian airport staff plan to go on strike today between 11a.m and 3 p.m.
Or as it's know in Italy, lunchtime.

Why does all modern club music tell you to put your hands in the air?
It makes collecting your drink at the bar very difficult

Nothing more annoying than Facebook friends putting up pictures of their presents for all to see.
Sent by brand new iPhone 4S.

Mock the week.
But not tax-dodging comedians, obviously.

Yahoo News:
"Shooting victim was 'targetted'"
I think we all know Yahoo's headlines are getting a bit obvious now.

Those Americans are dumb.
They have got over 30 different months and only 12 days in each one

People are saying it's serves the English right to be dumped out the World Cup after expecting to do well in it. You'd think they used to rule the world or something.

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. I totally believe that.

My elder brother is really vain. My earliest memories are of him standing in front of a mirror. Until I was four years old, I thought he was twins.

I read an article in today's Sun:
'Reasons to be glad to be living in the current day and age'
One of the reasons was 'Lifespan increases by 5 hours each day'
I'm pretty sure my lifespan increases by 24 hours every day

I joined a dating website and one of the sections was "Describe yourself in 20 words."
I just wrote "Efficient."

My wife giggled when I said, "I've got something for you!"
Her mood turned when I spat in her face and said, "Contempt".

I think I've found the perfect job for my wife.
Working at a centre for the deaf.

It's lucky I checked my facebook,
I was just about to go outside in my vest & pants,

Wheelchair basket-baller breaks leg.
Well that must have hurt.

My mate just rung me and said, "Is anything going on tonight?"
I said, "Yes. Street lights."

I thought you had to be smart to be a doctor,
if I'd known you could make a career out of shrugs and 'dunno' I would be a lot richer right now!

It really annoys me when people say that they are 'as happy as a bunny', so I went out and found this bunny, and hit it with my car... how you feeling now?

For years, evolution theorists have been crossing monkeys with sea water ...
They've eventually come up with the term ..'African-American'

Call me paranoid, but I'm sure something funny is going on in that clown college up the street.

My girlfriend said she's leaving me because whenever we talk I use vocabulary she doesn't understand and I'm very sarcastic.
I said, "I'm not sarcastic, I'm facetious."

Robin hood.
What a legend.

BBC News: "About 100 Asian teenagers pelted an EDL coach with bricks and stones when it broke down in East London"
Seems like a really good way to change the EDL's mind about foreigners.

My Wife is suicidal due to her fear of light.
I told her to look on the bright side.

Okay, I've figured it out: the more hair Nicholas Cage has, the better the movie.