Sky Sports News: Haye lost because of a broken toe.
Fair play to him; I once broke a toe and I couldnt punch for weeks...

The church of England showed today they really care, asking people to pray for the situation in East Africa,maybe if they sent the four million pounds they have in shares in news international,just might work better.

"Opportunity" and "crisis" share the same word in Chinese.
Which helps explain their involvement with so many African nations.

My mate said to me this morning, "Shall we go fishing after dark?"
I said, "why don't we go now while it's day light, It'll save waiting till tomorrow."

My wife says she's leaving me because I'm sarcastic.
I said, "That's fantastic now I can post a style of joke that's never been done before."

Now over to ITV for the Formula 1 Highlights -
- The races starts,
- Vettel wins.

A civil servant goes to see the department head.
"Why do you want a transfer now?" asks the department head. "You've been in the same job in the same office for 39 years!"
"I'm not sure," says the civil servant, "I think it's that wild and restless gypsy blood in me."

Submitting a joke here is like making a baby.
You fire about 300,000,000 of your little fellas, but only one gets through every few years.

I just looked up "Retweet" in the dictionary and was quite surprised.
It doesn't mean attention seeker.

I told my mum I've been cycling into work for a couple of years now
she said 'you wanna be careful on those main roads'
wow, she's opened my eyes to a whole new world of safety and caution.

I had a row with my girlfriend down the pub last night and ended up chucking my drink over her.
Thank god I was only drinking Carling.

A ginger with friends?
Yes Chesney, you really are 'The One And Only'.

Well my girlfriends pregnant again. She says if she was "big at the front", then it would have been a boy. But because she's "big all round", that means it's a girl.
I said, "So have you been carrying her for the past 10 years then?"

My mate asked me the other day, "What's the most anticlimactic way to end a joke"
I wondered about it for a while before telling him I don't know.

Lily Allen asked fans to "say a little prayer" following her second miscarriage.
Sorry Lily, I don't pray to a God, that if he actually did exist, would allow little babies to die, and rapists to win the lottery after buying one ticket.
So maybe I should, but there you go.

Following the explosion at a factory in Lincolshire where 5 men were killed in what Police have described as an illegal alcohol factory, Police have raided another premises which has been manufacturing a cheap version of Carling.
Police have told the public that they can recognise it by the label of "Fosters"

Daily Mail 'Family of albino Muslims terrorised after one of them marries a Christian man'
That's just disturbingly weird and makes me sick to my stomach, who would want to marry a Christian?

What came first the chicken or the egg?
The egg, i don't have the chicken until dinner.

Pizza Hut Double Pepperoni: Because three slices of pepperoni would just be overkill.

Sleepless nights, cold sweats, panic attacks and flashbacks are destroying my life ever since my accident.......or wedding as some call it.

I reached across the table to get some cakes when my mother said: "That's rude, have you not got a tongue?"
I replied: "Yes, but my arm is longer."

I have never stopped anyone from saying woman can't drive....
but god so help whoever tells them they can....

Yahoo News: "Derry awaits City of Culture result from Liverpool"
It's not like Scousers to take their time handing over something they shouldn't have had in the first place.

Sarcasm: When life gives you lemons, squeeze them into life's eyes, while smiling.

"Jo Yeates' body was missing sock."
And, more importantly, a pulse.