I got arrested yesterday, i was at the airport and i was singing innocently to the customer announcement noise they always play before an announcement.
only afterwards i realised why "bom, bom, bom, bom" was inappropriate.

BBC News: 'Woman Travels To Work And Ends Up Back At Same Station 8 Hours Later'.
So everyone else is just as shocked as me to see that her train wasn't cancelled.

You know when the price of fuel is high when its cheaper to run your car on Redex.

I recently went for a job interview to be a train driver.
But the interviewer didn't turn up on time so i didn't get the job

Why did the woman cross the road?
Because her husband had been wise enough not to let her drive.

I saw a BMW driver indicating today!
I was so shocked, I almost crashed when he pulled out on me.

In an attempt to get fitter, I've just gone and bought myself a new bike.
Just think of all the calories I'll be burning. Those kawasaki's are heavy and don't get themselves out of the garage you know.

I was standing alone in the middle of a park one day, thinking to myself about life and its mysteries... Then suddenly something struck me.
A woman driver.

I got talking to a woman and she asked me what my name was:
"Dennis"
"Oh really, did your parents like old fasioned names then?"
"Nah, they were fire engine enthusiasts"

1903 The Wright brothers make their first attempt to fly. But it's thwarted by a baggage handlers strike at Heathrow

I dont know why I fly with B.A.
All he does in the airport is sit there saying i aint getting on no plane, I pity the fool that tries to make me.

Have you seen the new A4?
It's only 10p a sheet....

I just read isaacjcksn's joke:
"I'm contemplating inventing a plane with no wings then selling it to British Airways.
I know what you're thinking; it'll never take off."
Look in the Atlantic ocean somewhere, you'll find it has already been invented.

Automatic transmission:
Because it's simply too complex for an American to comprehend gear changes.

The police stopped my today just because I was eating while driving.
To be fair, it was roast beef dinner, and I was carving the joint at the time.

At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn't know gave me anything.
Even the people I know don't give me anything.

"More black bus drivers!" David Cameron's idea of an intergrated transport system.

I hate taxi drivers
They always take people for a ride.

Understeer is when you hit the wall with the front of the car, oversteer is when you hit the wall with the rear of the car.
Horsepower is how fast you hit the wall and torque is how far you take the wall with you.
All of this of course I have taught my wife in preparation for her driving test next Tuesday.

Facebook group: "I'm sick of you men telling us that women are bad drivers.
How many of you can do 90mph in the fast lane of a motorway whilst putting on mascara?"
That's the hard shoulder love.

BBC News: Audley Harrison "i'll be there with David tonight"
I'm sure David already has a driver, Audley

There I was, minding my own business, when boom. Woman driver.

Women are like cars. They cost a fortune to maintain and you only get to fill them up once every two weeks for 40.

I was driving through a village today. Speeding, driving on the wrong side of the road, hit a lampost and even ran over a few locals.
Yet as I left the village the sign still thanked me for driving carefully.

My wife's driving me up the wall at the moment.
No, really, she mounted the pavement and we smashed into the side of the local Co-Op.