How come i never see any jokes about male drivers? OK i got one
A male driver was driving on the motor way, 1hr 38mins later he got home, had dinner, went to bed and everyone was safe.
A bus company has come to my town and set up a business in my area.
That's a First
My girlfriend went for her driving test today. Her mates told her to wear something revealing, to sway the examiners decision.
It didnt work - I was the examiner.
My business just got taken over.
I should've expected it, my ice cream van is pretty slow.
My driving instructor's got an electric car.
It's got joule controls.
So the new Ford Focus can park itself, that's ruined yet another one of man's great pleasure's
"Don't worry love, I'll walk to the kerb from here"
Just put my iPhone in airplane mode
It flew away
I finally went on a road trip with my wife.
It was only down to the supermarket, but at least this time she kept the car off the pavement.
I rang my insurance company this morning.
I said, "What do I do if my cars been in a accident?"
The girl said, "When did the accident happen?"
I said, "It hasn't yet. My wife's driving the car this afternoon."
I've just seen a supernova...
It had alloy wheels and a sports exhaust.
BREAKING NEWS: A lorry has just overturned on the M11 spilling its load of 'Imodium Instants' across the motorway.
Experts say they expect the flow to stop almost immediately.
Msn news: "Toyota recalls 412,000 cars for steering issues"
When they said "Your Toyota is My Toyota" they really weren't kidding
BBC Radio 2
A German train company is trying to get permission to use the Channel Tunnel so that they can transport thousands of people from Berlin to London.
This leaves me two questions;
1. How many Spitfires have we got?
2. Can you fly them along the tunnel?
No Sat Nav! Im on a bridge I cant turn left, I need to change this to a mans voice.
It was so awkward when I gave up my seat for what I thought was a pregnant woman on the bus.
Not entirely because she was fat.
But because it was a fat man.
My wife drives our car like a rally driver
Not because she can take corners at speed, more so that she can roll it even on the driveway.
As my girlfriend was leaving to go to her best friend's hen party I shouted after her, "Have you remembered to take a set of L plates love?"
With a laugh she shouted back, "I don't think it's going to be that kind of cheap, tacky occasion darling. We're going to a Michelin starred restaurant."
"I know that", I replied, "I just thought you could pop them on the car to warn other road users about your driving."
Why did the man sleep under the car?
Because he wanted to get up really oily.
As I wandered through the desert, I thought I saw a Mitsubishi Galant.
As it turns out, it was just a mirage.
They say 'A true man opens the car door for his wife'... Maybe i shouldnt have done that while driving at 90 mph
I watched my wife as she flipped it one more time, to make sure it was evenly done on both sides.
"That's much better honey," I said "now let's try parking without rolling the car."
I was on an uncomfortable flight home earlier, when I collared one of the air hostesses and said, "Excuse me, will you tell the pilot to stop turning his warning lights on?"
"Why's that sir?"
"Because every time he puts them on the plane shakes."
After driving around the same roundabout 93 times the police finally pulled my wife up,
"Are you lost" they asked,
"No" she replied "My indicator is stuck on"
My wife wanted some cop roleplay last night, and I really got into it.
I even gave her a parking ticket.
A guy is lost and asks for directions:
"Excuse me, which is the quickest way to Leeds from here?"
"Well, are you in a car or on the bus?"
"In my Car"
"Yeah, the car would be the quickest way"