I've just been laid off from the cake factory due to the credit crunch.
Hundreds and Thousands are at risk!
I was on Facebook and took the quiz "How black are you?". The questions were really long and looked hard so I just left them blank because I couldn't be borthered. I submitted it blank and guess what I am 100% black!
I have just won 'Vodafone Employee Of The Month'
I'm chuffed but I didn't quite get the reception that I thought I would,
Office relationships never work out, they always end badly. Mine was especially traumatic. I married her.
I've recently got a job collecting aluminium cans. It's not as bad as people make out.
It's picking up.
My first day as an auctioneer went very well.
I sold lots.
Ahh, the morning:
Where you pretend not to hate all your co-workers for a few hours before you eventually give in.
To relieve stress at work, we have one day a week where we don't answer any phone calls. After all, being a Samaritan can be very stressful.
Do you hate your job?
Well, theres a support group for that.
Its called everybody, and they meet every evening in a pub.
Like most people, I steal from work.
Not quite as rewarding when you're self-employed though.
I spent all yesterday in court just because I misinterpreted
what "your business" means.
A week previously while walking my dog I saw a sign that read
When your dog has done its business, do yours.
So I did.
Why are working men's clubs always full of blokes who aren't at work?
I'm depressed and I hate my job. Every day I ask myself "is it really worth it?"
Mind you, I am an antiques dealer.
Yesterday was national walk to work day.
Much to the annoyance of the deep sea fishermen.
Archaeologists have discovered a toilet which they believe to be constructed between 700 and 600 BC. Even back then plumbers took their time.
I am a great team motivator.
My colleagues say that they have to work twice as hard when I'm on with them.
In a populist move, the British Government is proposing charging a per-person tariff on firms employing workers from Eastern Europe to encourage them to take on more local employees. It will be called a Pole Tax.
The boss told me I was behind on my work and needed to get my head down.
So I took his advice and had a little nap.
I've suspected my female boss is really a bloke for some time now. So today when she was bent over I thrust my hand up her skirt to check.
Just like I thought....I got the sack
I threw in the towel at my last job.
Which is why I'm no longer a lifeguard.
I almost ruined my first job interview by laughing at the man's wheelchair.
But I managed to keep my composure and went on to hire him.
When your boss says to you "Do you know how I got to where I am today?"
Dont say " Your mum got drunk one night in a bar and could not afford an abortion?"
Just been sacked from Asda for doing the stock take wrong.
On the plus side, I have enough Oxo to last a lifetime.
I'm one of those people that loves to have a good laugh at work.
Which is why I work at ChildLine.
I applied for a job at a carpenter's the other day. I had to demonstrate my skill with a piece of wood.
I nailed it.