Just logged into my instant messenger, and my wife is online. Under her name is says Idle.
Technology is so smart these days.

They say the simplest of things can ruin strong relationships...
...for me, it was forgetting to press Ctrl-Shift-p

I just had to give negative feedback to a top rated seller on Ebay.
I ordered some new printer cartridges about two weeks ago now, and they still haven't arrived.

I hate people that put pictures of their newborn babies as their profile pictures on Facebook...
Then they have the cheek to send ME a message saying "Who are you?" when I "Like" it and report me for commenting "Potential..."

I just checked my current location on Google maps.
According to that, I'm in my neighbour's house across the street.

'Ke$ha Tweets picture of herself peeing in road'.
Fans say it's the best thing she's ever released.

I do love Facebook. It's the only chance I get to poke the wife these days.

You know your struggling to write sickipedia jokes when you start reading the "More Recipes' section of the BBC homepage

I just saw an advert on Facebook which said "Do you also love cute baby pics like this one? Then click on 'Like' below to see many more funny and cute baby pictures."
Facebook knows me too well..

I keep getting mail offering the secret to lasting longer in bed!
No thanks, When I'm paying by the quarter hour 8 minutes is plenty for me thank you.

Facebook groups; knowing everything people thought were traits unique to them.
Sickipedia; knowing everything about people that Facebook groups can't post.

My girlfriend just joined the group "I miss being a little kid"...
Me too, she'd be much more attractive.

How many spastics does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'm not sure, but I've got 40 in my garage, a video camera and a YouTube account. Let's find out!

Isn't it strange............ I can spend hours online, but as soon as my girlfriend comes round, there is nothing I want to look at on the internet.

Windows 7 "making your pc simple"
i suppose "the thalidomide of the computer world" didn't have the same ring to it

A man walks into the library and asks if they have an unpopular work on Chinese Communism.
The librarian says, "What, a little read book?"

Getting a message on sickipedia is like the police pulling up outside your house, either way its not good news.

I see there's a new website you can visit that shows a list of all the sites you've visited while private browsing.
It's called: Divorce.com

My luck is just unbelievable! I've been the 1,000,000th visitor on several websites now.
All they needed was my bank account details.
Cant wait for my iPhone 6!

I have just found a brilliant website
on how to improve your Ventriloquism.
It's Gubawue Gubawue Gubawue Got..........

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on inconvenience.
The librarian says; "Unfortunately, the last copy got borrowed not 3 minutes ago."

According to a Facebook page "Every Relationship starts as a friendship".
Not true; mine usually start with spiking someones drink.

When I see some people on Facebook, then see them in person, I realise, ohhhh they use the new skin cream called Adobe Photoshop

Osama Bin Laden is reported to be on Facebook.
His page is great, I can see all his friends, all his pictures but I can't seem to get into the "Where I've been" section of his page.

I got an email from a nigerian friend saying I have to see this website called sickipidia as its front page has the funniest sick jokes I will ever see!
The worst 8 million quid I've ever spent....