My local laundrette has started up an internet service wash.
They wash your clothes for you and then dry them online.
The updated 'Add a joke' function on Sickipedia has more checks, than a Moscow brothel.
Girls are like internet domain names.
All the good ones are already taken, so I'm probably going to have to settle for one from a strange country.
I'm dating a hacker. She keeps sending me raunchy pictures of myself.
They can't take Sickipedia from us...
It would be like taking a baby from a paedophile or the cancer from Jade Goody.
A long and lingering death which seemed to go on forever and made a lot of people furious.
No, not Jade - Sickipedia's server.
My girlfriend accused me of not living in the real world today.
Me and my World of Warcraft buddies were shocked.
I'm looking forward to when Americans play level 9-11 on Angry Birds and throw bombs into towers, and a look of shock and horror covers their faces as they slowly realise...
McDonald's breakfast finishes at 11 30.
Considering 'Sopa' in Spanish means 'Soup', I think that the Spanish must be really confused as to why everyone is hating on a popular vegetable and meat stock based consumable.
The top two stories on Yahoo news today
1. Showers are bad for you.
2. 107 year old Asian woman wants to marry
Spot the link
Statistically, 50% of Sickipedians who post Micheal Jackson jokes...
...can't even spell 'Michael.'
BREAKING NEWS: Prince Charles has been caught doing crack with rent boys, Michael Jackson has revealed he faked his own death so he could protect actress girlfriend Dakota Fanning from the media, the body of Madaline McCann has been discovered by her father in the pool of Michael Barrymore, and Tom Cruise is diagnosed with AIDS; cause unknown.
In other news, website Sickipedia has crashed.
Sat in the hospital with my wife before as she give birth to our first son.
She asked "so what do you think babe?"
I replied "this is the most wonderful day of my life, and I've never been so proud of something I've created."
Then after turning my focus away from my highest scoring joke on sickipedia I admired the child.
Just saw the facebook group called "If i put 6 or more kisses on the end of a text, i want to smash your back door in"
Bit strange really, if you like them that much why would you destroy their house?
BBC NEWS: Bath entrepreneur 'holds the key' to the worlds internet security
Can you imagine if someone got hold of that key and turned the internet off?
We would all be fu
Some people say that considering abortion is the hardest thing ever.
They've obviously never wrestled a dog biscuit from a spazzy.
Just went round to my friends house. His mother said he was still in bed. So i went up, knocked on his door, and no answer...
I went into his room to find his bed made, his red and white striped hat on the bed, his red and white striped jumper hung up, and his blue trousers folded on the side. He was no where to be seen.
Wally, you've just made this game interesting.
Headline: Woman 'raped, burned and beaten while held captive by man she met online.
Where did she meet him? Adult fiend finder?
Whats the difference between eBay and Sickipedia.
You get barred from eBay for manipulating feedback.
My wife says if I don't start believing her more our relationship will fail.
I've banned my two children from using Sickipedia.
All the racism, abuse and paedophilia is bad enough, but for them to have to know I brag about it would just be unfair.
I found out that the girl I've been romancing over the internet has been using a fake picture.
She actually looks nothing like Frank Bruno.
Got banned from eBay the other day.
Apparently Black, and Asian people "have every right to bid on my items."
10 grams of Gillian McKeith, a tablespoon of Wagner, half a cup of Snow and you've got yourself some tasty ingredients for Facebook
Dear Internet Service Provider,
why when I call your helpline to report a problem with my broadband do I get an automated message giving me details of your website?
I'm calling a broadband helpline so it's a fairly safe bet I can't get online.
P.S. Yes I have already tried turning it off and on again