It's so off putting when the pop-up guy flicking his poker chips starts staring at you when your trying to finish....

You know you've been on Sickipedia too long, when you burst into the BBC studios in a cloud of cs gas, hold a gun to Huw Edward's head, and demand they start coming up with better material for our jokes...

How many sickipedians suffer from obsessive compulsive personality disorder ?
About 95% of them, judging by the number of jokes that get endlessly repeated.

Its not just the people in DR Congo who are having a really bad day.
Last night I posted three jokes on here and this morning I have "3 unread messages"

My mate called me an untalented, unfunny, sad lonely pointscorer on Sickipedia.
I was so shocked I almost stopped "contributing and crediting" to other peoples jokes..

I'm considering taking out a superinjuction I'm not quite sure what they are but I have noticed how a lot of people who have taken them out receive a lot of interest on twitter.

Look PartyPoker, I only have 2 hands and frankly you're demanding too much of them.

"When a girl is silent, thats pretty dangerous. Shes either overthinking, tired of waiting, about to blow, lonely, needs a hug, falling apart or crying inside. and most probably all of those above.." - A facebook group quite obviously written by a girl. Had it been written by a bloke it would read "When a girl is silent, you know she's either unconcious, has finally learnt her place in life, or has been so badly beaten for talking out of place she can't quite walk or talk yet. and most probably all of those above.."

I joined a dating website for people with STDs and now I'm being asked how I became such a Casanova.
Being positive is key, I say.

Internet dating and text messaging has changed my life.
I used to date girls with standards; now I date girls with STDs.

Just seen this Facebook group: I love it when in the middle of our kiss I can feel you smiling.
I personally love it when I can feel them trying to shout and scream.

The inventor of the progress bar managed to do 99% of it really quickly, but the last bit took him ages.

Whilst downloading a 4GB movie in only 5 mins, I have the right to say my internet is pretty fly for a WiFi.

You know you've been staring at your ex-girlfriend's Facebook picture for to long when you think: 'Did she just blink?'.

Yesterday i was looking through the app store for something to help me light a candle..
It just kept telling me 'No matches found.'

"Not everything on the internet is true..."
Wait, so you mean there's not beautiful singles in my area dying to meet me?

My latest business venture is a online agency for Comedy Club MC's.
It's called "MarketTheCompere.com"

I bought a print copy of a newspaper this morning.
I didn't get a chance to go on the Internet yesterday so I thought I'd better catch up.

I think if Microsoft changed there search engine to Bang, a lot more people would start using it.
"I just banged Cheryl Cole."

So, you don't even have to be friends with people to poke them on facebook now.
If only real life were like this.
Oh, wait. I'm Tiger Woods. Real life IS like this

One benefit of living in Afghanistan is the 2 hours saved per year scrolling to your country on order forms.

BBC NEWS: Internet racism pair lose appeal.
"Two men have lost their appeals against the UK's first conviction for inciting racial hatred via a foreign website."
Looks like Sickipedia is gonna be two members down.

I got in a lot of trouble today for plagiarising another persons work. So I decided to come on here to try and relax.
So I have this good one I just made up, so a man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide...

You know when you spend to much time on Sickipedia when somebody tells you that their uncle died of a heart attack in the local Chicken Cottage Restaurant, and the only reply you give is...
"pfft, Chicken Cottage isn't a proper restaurant"

My mother always used to tell me that anything new I come across makes me wiser person. This would include anything I read, any person I interact with, and anything I experience in life. I actually believed her until I read Youtube comments.