Summer is my favourite time of year for one reason and one reason only...
Facebook holiday bikini photos.
I can't believe I've only just found out that if you type your search into Google in capitals your results appear quicker because Google knows you're in a bad mood.
I had a weird ex-girlfriend she called the cops on me because I used to sit outside her house all day, she said I was stalking her but I wasnt, I still had the code to the wifi.
A lot of posters here see their jokes as being their children.
I see them that way too: they're stupid, they're ugly and I wish they'd go away.
The band wagon of periodic table jokes recently has highlighted the poor spelling of a lot of Sickipedians. This got me thinking...
...If only they spent more time in the library.
I have a phd in washing machinery, people call me the spin doctor
I think those ads that say 'Get ripped in 4 Weeks' are underselling a bit.
It's only been 1 minute since I paid for the DVD workout routine and I feel ripped.
I hate how celebrities get away with everything. Parez Hilton can take a picture of Miley Cirus' beaver and post it on the internet and escape unscathed and I can't spank my monkey to the pictures without the RSPCA waiting to take me away for prosecution.
"Would you like us to save your details for quicker access in the future?"
Oh yes please HSBC, that would be great. And whilst you're at it, can you post my pin number on the notice board of the Lagos town hall, just to make sure.
I just saw a "Like this" link on facebook which said "I love being in the mood where I find everything hilarous"
.....Stoned perhaps ?
Hitler has created an online game in which people build his plans for the new world he wanted, which will then be put into action. He even named it after his book.
"I'm sick of this" said my girlfriend.
"If you were half as dedicated to me as you are to Facebook then maybe we could have an adult relationship. I need more of a commitment."
"I'm so sorry. I promise I'll change, starting from now." I replied, taking a deep, nervous breath, then I said the four words I knew she wanted to hear. "Will you marry me?"
But unfortunately she went offline before she had a chance to read it.
There's so many sheep on Twitter,
I'm surprised the Welsh don't use it as a dating site.
As I quickly closed the tab, the manager of the internet cafe walked towards me. He took one look at my screen and saw nothing but the Google homepage.
"Sir," he said sternly, "I know what you have been doing and we do not tolerate that in here."
I furiously stated that I wasn't doing anything dirty and I just happened to close the tab when he came over.
"I don't believe you", he replied. "Now pull up your pants and leave".
Bloke asks the librarian if he could have a book on Genies
She says "You wish"
You know you,ve spent to much time on the internet when you start reffering to things as 'in real life'
"Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life"
Debt collectors, Police, Tax man... No thanks!
i tried a bit of online gambling the other day...
i bought a mattress on e-bay.
You know you lead a sad life when you think of jokes about celebrity deaths in preparation for when they die.
Coming off a motorway today I got to the top of the slip road and there were two identical 30mph signs and between them another sign that said 'merge now'..
As I nearly crashed the car laughing it occured to me that I spend far too much time on this site..
Note to self:
Don't post any "clever" jokes or ones with long words when the majority of users are likely to be Americans
Word of wisdom to the male readers (everyone): Always check what you typed into the URL bar after finishing the web address. You never realise just how close the "s" key and the "d" key are until you type "Sickipedia" into the web address without checking and press enter.
What's the difference between Brisbane and my spam email filter?
My email has flood detection.
The day of the royal wedding... millions of people watching this touching and beautiful event live on the internet... it was amazing how clear the streaming video of the gorgeous, happy couple was on my computer screen.
Thank you Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze and of course WebcamLesbians.com.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die