Our Sickipedia which art online,
shallow be thy name.
Thy sickos come,
thy will be done, at home as it is online.
Give us this day our daily library gag.
And forgive us our duplicates, as we forgive them that duplicate against us.
And lead us not into statistics,
but deliver us from burial.
For thine is the domain, the power tool, and the glory hole, for ever and ever. Amen.
Well, after years of making sick jokes on the internet and Sickipedia about thalidomide and spastic kids, my wife went for an ultrasound today and the doctor's told us our baby has Down's Syndrome.
This must be God's way of providing me with more material.
Facebook should have a limit on the number of times people can change their relationship status.
After five, it ought to default to "Unstable"
Johnny: hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
Johnny: ********* see!
Sarah: doesnt look like stars to me
Johnny: thats what I see
Sarah: oh, really?
Sarah: you can go twilight6 my twilight6-ing twilight6
Sarah: haha, does that look funny to you?
Johnny: lol, yes. See, when YOU type twilight6, it shows to us as *******
Sarah: thats neat, I didnt know msn did that
Johnny: yep, no matter how many times you type twilight6, it will show to us as *******
Sarah: wait, how do you know my pw?
Johnny: er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as twilight6 cause its your pw
Sarah: oh, ok.
Just read this (genuinely) in the Mail on Sunday about Prince Harry's new fling:
'Harry is very funny and texts her jokes all the time from an internet site he's found'
Just saw this joke by swoosher7797
My girlfriend isn't the brightest spark. I spent an hour explaining a legendary Sickipedia joke to her and she still didn't get it.
So I got 8 mates over and we really explained it to her.
Now she understands.
You took her appendix out?
The other day my six-year-old son said: "When I grow up, I want to get the highest score on Sickipedia."
I said: "You can't do both."
My boss has threatened to give me the sack for being on Sickipedia too long...
I usually only have to swallow the first few inches.
I googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought.
Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.
I met up with my internet friend yesterday.
We were both disappointed when we realised we were both middle aged men, and not 10-year-old girls.
Whats the difference between Tim Henman and Sickipedia?
Tim Henman was a good server
Yay! Sickipedia's back!
I don't know what I'd do without Sickipedia...
Probably go out, socialise, make some friends, get a girlfriend, get a job...
Following the huge success of facebook, they are releasing a new website just for the black people among us. The web address is www.junglebook.com
Intel bought McAfee for USD 7 Billion. Wonder why? They could have simply downloaded it for free.
What's the best thing about the new Internet Explorer?
You can use it to download Firefox.
I'm glad to see that Google have not forgotten the issue of third world famine with their logo today; an Ethopian family portrait.
Yesterday I set my wifi's name to "Hack this if you can".
When I checked it today, it was called "Challenge accepted".
The secrets of a happy marriage...
Tools, Internet options, Clear history, Delete files, Delete cookies.
What is the biggest lie ever?
I've just come out of a coma after 14 years,
and Windows 95 was my idea.
You know you're on Sickipedia too much when you start learning the news from the jokes.
What's (buffering 21%) the (buffering 45%) best way (buffering 69%) to lose (buffering 86%) a (buffering 100%) hard-on?
I was in my office yesterday on my lunch break when I decided to go on my computer to enjoy a joke or two on Sickipedia. The amount of racist sick jokes made me persist in laughing. Quite loudly actually. My boss overheard this and came over to have a look. I suddenly remembered to my horror that my boss was black. Then to make it even worse I remembered he transferred here from America. In realising this I quickly grasped for the mouse and closed the Sickipedia web page. As my boss reached the foot of my desk he said: "What are you laughing at then?" Nervously I replied: "nothing boss, just something that happened yesterday". My black American boss then proceeded to go through my website history until he came across Sickipedia. He looked at me and said: "ahhh what's this then sounds interesting."
I was ready to be fired. I was ready to get beaten up. Sweat pouring down my head, i sat there in horror and disbelief as he scrolled the mouse closer and closer to the website url. And as he clicked on sickipedia.org, i don't think i was ever happier to see those magic words.....
"Database Latency too high. Sickipedia appears to have lost connection to the database."
Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
I took this personality test on the internet, and it said... "Describe yourself in one word."
I answered, "Not good at following instructions."