Joke Joke

Last night my entire Microsoft Office crashed!
I can't put into Word how angry I am....!

Joke Joke

I used to have my own fruit stand but it kept getting knocked over by 1970s police chases.

Joke Joke

Right , I'm off to the ITV studios .
I'm gonna be the first one in line for tomorrow's one night stand with pixie Lott.

Joke Joke

Googled Sickipedia and this is what I found:
Database Latency too High.

Joke Joke

Like most people my height,
I'm bored of people re-wording other peoples jokes.

Joke Joke

I just posted a joke and a minute later pressed refresh to see how it was doing.
But I was unable to do so as apparently there were 814 people looking at it.
Didn't realise I was so popular.

Joke Joke

I decided to play a practical joke on the wife earlier but she didn't see the funny side when I wired up the front door to the power supply.
She completely flew off the handle.

Joke Joke

The council sent me a disabled badge today.
I sent it back and asked for one that actually works.

Joke Joke

My wife tells me I don't understand pausing
for effect.

Joke Joke

I was arrested after smearing somebody's luggage with Vaseline.
The police dropped the case.

Joke Joke

If the last few days have proven one thing,
it's that Sickipedia's server is run by postmen.

Joke Joke

Oh no!
Oh no!
OH NO!
I've been sacked from my town crier job!

Joke Joke

I always make an effort to treat my step-son in exactly the same way as a I treat my real son.
I haven't got one, so I ignore him.

Joke Joke

Top tip: A ladder, turned upside-down, can be used for climbing down off things.

Joke Joke

My youngest said to me earlier, "Daddy.. If you weren't married to Mummy, would you marry me?"
"Of course not. That just wouldn't be right," I replied.
I always knew he was a little poof.

Joke Joke

My girlfriend sent me a text saying: "You're overly obsessive."
At 22:12:53, (GMT+1).

Joke Joke

I'm not arrogant.
I'm actually just better than everybody else.

Joke Joke

The film "The Social Network" is doing worse than expected at the box office.
Well, duh, maybe it's because we're all at home jerking around on some stupid website.

Joke Joke

What's big, red and white?
English land-fill.

Joke Joke

My wife told me I was having a 'mid-life crisis' earlier.
I nearly fell out my Subaru.

Joke Joke

When originally entered, the joke was:

Joke Joke

Why didn't the atheist cross the road?
There's no such thing as the other side

Joke Joke

My girlfriend asked, "Why don't you ever get my jokes about your laziness?"
I said, "Get them yourself"

Joke Joke

If I ever got arrested I'd use my one phone call to phone the police station and tell them I'd planted a bomb there. That'll show 'em.

Joke Joke

Integration.
The only problem nerds struggle with.