My pet tarantula has a deformed back & real problems walking.
I fear it might have spider bifida.
An animal rights protestor came up to me and asked if i liked animals
"Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a cat"
"How long have you felt like this?"
"Since I was kitten"
I think my goldfish is incontinent.
His bowl floweth over.
The hardest part of owning a dog is telling him he's adopted.
Just found out my cow and goat have been dating.
They are in a stable relationship.
Road accidents involving moose have risen by 20% this year in Sweden.
I'm not surprised, how can you control a car with a hoof?
My brother has been off work on full pay for a month now after a cow knocked him off his stool.
He's been milking it for all it's worth.
I hate jokes.
I've felt that way ever since my fat mother-in-law went to the West Indies of her own accord.
And brought back a dog with no nose.
Sky 3, weekdays, at 11am 'Dogs with jobs'
Talk about kicking the unemployed when they're down!
"I like your black and white skin, I like your great big udder, but most of all.
I like the way you moo"!
My pet centipede died this morning.
I'm really sad, but he was on his last legs.
A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
A termite lands on a fly.
The fly says;
"Are you a termite"
The termite replies;
"I mite be".
"That's the stupidest pun I've ever heard"
"Give me a chance man, I just came up with it on the fly"
I've just seen a midget driving a crane
I hope the R.S.P.B don't find out, he might get charged with avian cruelty!
My new girlfriend was cooking with the meat I got her when she started going off on one, "I haven't seen my cat for hours, he never goes out." She said frantically, running around kicking and screaming.
I think she's making a meal of it.
My pets are very well trained. I throw a ball for my dog and shout "Catch it". Bruno leaps into the air and catches the ball.
Meanwhile, Tiddles lays one out in her litter tray!
Some moron started shouting at me to find out if I'd heard of elephants!
I thought "of course I have", shortly before I was trampled by a herd of elephants.
Two snakes are in the middle of a forest.
The first one says "Hey are we poisonous?"
The second snake says "I dont know, why?"
"I just bit my tongue."
What do you call a nice smelling Insect.
A Deodor Ant
'A Dogs just not for Christmas.'
Unfortunately doggie with my wife is.
Just reading a new book on big wild cats called Tiger Attack, by Claude Tobitz
What do you get if you cross a zebra with a paki?
Run over by me in my lorry.
My dogs been missing for a week and I've had to put some posters up.
He's blind, got 3 legs, deaf in 1 ear and has aids, answers to the name, lucky.
I'm sure my mate's part chameleon, but he's denied it 'til he's blue in the face.
If anything that convinced me even more.