Sayings Joke

Is it possible to be at the start or in the middle? Or do you always go straight to the end of a tether?

Sayings Joke

My wife keeps reminding me that her mother "lives just around the corner"
And that she's not "Round the bend"

Sayings Joke

After my trip to Spain I can safely say I'm now a member of the mile
high club.
On a short trip from one town to another, I hot boxed the tram.

Sayings Joke

Why do hedgehogs curl up in a ball?
Because that's just the way they roll.

Sayings Joke

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

Sayings Joke

The time comes when you know you really 'should get out more'. You wake up and suddenly think you'd quite like to grow your own cress.

Sayings Joke

Who exactly is 'deadly serious' and why is everyone trying to impersonate him?

Sayings Joke

What's the definition of "Meat 'n' two veg"?
Having a rendevouz with a couple of disabled people.

Sayings Joke

There's a fine line between creating new words and showing your stupidocity.

Sayings Joke

I've recently opened a vegetarian restaurant in America.
It's called 'Don't Have a Cow, Man.'

Sayings Joke

Just been on a tour of an old coal mine. It's the pits.

Sayings Joke

Last night I saw a circus freak with two mouths.One at the front and the other at the back of his head.
Smiles all round.

Sayings Joke

They say curiosity killed the cat... but really I think it was my knife that did it.

Sayings Joke

A fella came to the bar and said," I fancy a large gin and Schweppes, but I don't want to get drunk."
I said, " I've got just the tonic."

Sayings Joke

There was a Chav hiccuping on the train this morning, it was starting to annoy me so I told him to hold his breath.
He said, "Oh, cheers mate, its coz I'm hiccupin' init?"
I replied, "No it's because you are an absolute loser and I want you off the face off the Earth."

Sayings Joke

Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it as my dad keeps telling me over and over again.

Sayings Joke

As my old grandad used to say:
"A person who has never made a mistake has never been married"

Sayings Joke

Sticks and Stones May Break Her Bones
But Names Will Make Her Starve Herself To Death.

Sayings Joke

"And they called it puppy love"
yeah cos they were doing it doggy style all the time

Sayings Joke

Just bought a brand new bread knife ... it's the best thing since bread.

Sayings Joke

Not unless your names "heroin"
Then I wont be taking anyone's "name in vain"

Sayings Joke

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
And then I'd get really upset as that was meant to be a present for his aquarium.

Sayings Joke

I'm trying to stop saying "That's what she said" after everything my wife says.
It's quite hard.

Sayings Joke

A fool and his money are often to be found crying into their England shirt in South Africa.

Sayings Joke

You can't have your cake and eat it.
Because you're a diabetic.