When you think about it, "Don't let anyone tell you what to do" is impossible advice to follow.

Should Audi make a car called the Doodi?

Spring Deal:
50% off all trampolines

Apparently, my mate Lee has started doing drugs.
I'm not sure if I believe it.
It's highly unlikely...

Weeds are starting to take over my garden.
It's a growing problem.

Just met a guy who's supposed to be an expert at origami. I gave him the "cold stare" and sneered at him.
He folded

Be kind to your dentist - he has fillings too!

I have become a millionaire from gardening, but I will never forget my roots

Met a woman in the bar the other night, her second name was nokia,
Got slapped when i told her that i had a big ericsson

The local mafia keep drawing crosses and ticks on me - think I'm a marked man.

My wife said I was 'Skeptical'
I didn't believe her for one bit.

I feed my children sewage.
They are, quite literally, drains on my resources.

Identical Twins.
They're all the same.

Taking everything into account, my bank is pretty full.

I tried to buy a rowing machine today.
But apparently Steve Redgrave is not for sale

I've always been a pretty funny guy. In fact I came out of my mother's womb telling a joke. If I recall correctly, it was pretty funny, but the delivery wasn't that great.

When I was a kid I always felt like my parents were out to get me
Particularly that time I ran away from home

Let's go back to simple mechanics for a moment.

Got fired from my job making shoes the other day.
Not fair, I put my heart and sole into that business.

Imaginary numbers are complex.

I wrote, directed, produced and starred in a play about my life, but it did awfully sales wise. Made a completely show of myself..

Being a small stone, I have not got as much courage as I would like. If only I was a little boulder.

Me and my nostalgia go back a long way.

When asked about Scott Dann's groin injury, Steve Kean refused to talk about the sack.

Let's bring this discussion to a close. I've been to the edge of the universe, and that's the end of the matter.