Got a date with an archer tonight.
Im all of a quiver.

I just saw on BBC News that a Woman's house set on fire after she left her crystal ball in the window.
Pitty she didn't see that one coming!

My local laundrette has started up an internet service wash.
They wash your clothes for you and then dry them online.

I love air removal systems.
I'm a big extractor fan.

i've got a photographic memory...
i forget things in a flash

I met an ecstatic farmer today
He was having a field day

I wonder if tiger woods wife is out clubbing tonight

Had a fight with a Pole at work today....
The other lad had a stick.

Nothing turns me on more than a switch.

I need the extract the watery substance from a tree
ASAP

Consumerism? I'm not buying it.

I just bought some new jeans with velcro running down the sides.
My mates think it was a stupid thing to buy, but i reckon I can pull them off.

I stole 300 quids worth of O2 Top-Up vouchers this morning from the local newsagents, with some help from a mate.
I won't take all the credit.

I've only ever had one splinter, hopefully it wont happen again...
Touch wood.

I have no ikea how Sweden lost that match.

My mate told me he bought his girlfriend a Subaru!
I asked "Impreza?" he said "Yes it did"

I went to Amsterdam last weekend for a bit of "window shopping."
I came home shattered.

I always go to the harbour and start sailing on other people boats.
I struggle with the concept of Own a Ship.

I fancied some tea the other day.
Boy, it sure is difficult to walk through Tesco with a hard on.

I love turning on fans. It gives me vent elation.

I watched a small horse do somersaults for 4 hours today, it was at that point i realised he was a one trick pony.

I saw this lad the other day who'd been painted green, and had antenae stuck to the top of his head.
Apparently, his friends were trying to alienate him.

I work in a DIY shop, and every day this week a nun has walked in and bought a sheet of black cloth.
I just hope she doesn't make a habit of it.

My nan never used to have a garden, she just had a huge hole. One day, she asked me to make it look better.
So I landscaped the ditch.

I took my daughter out last night.
One slide tackle and she was down.