Has anyone else noticed the 'Brain' named itself?

My wife says I always make her feel small...
But if anything her new bedroom in the downstairs cupboard does the opposite

On a whim I named my cat Hamburger Helper. The funny thing was it tasted like chicken.

No matter how well I hid as a child, my Mum would always end up finding and beating me...
At hide and seek.

I get a bit of stick occasionally, being a glue sniffer.

If the old saying 'staring at a screen makes your eyes go square' is true, have the Chinese just watched too much widescreen television?

Nice to hear that the teachers still do physical education.

Graff Jewellers security are muppets. What did they expect leaving a Denzel and Del Boy into the shop?

Emoticons make me so >:(

No one will serve me in Argos. All I want is a watch with a leather strap on.

Grandad died yesterday. he fell to his death cleaning the Clock Face of Big Ben.
It was Six Thirty , he had nothing to hang on to.

They lived like wild animals,they neither smoked nor drank.

What did Mr T say when an alien from Tatooine got on his nerves?
Quit yo jibba... Jabba!

Piers are just bridges built by lazy people.

If I didn't have such a huge ego,
I'd be perfect.

Daves' face lit up when we shoved a torch down his mouth.

When you take a shower, where do you put it?

I drink, therefore I am.

Why is it these days kids always scream when they're playing?

Sock + Sandle = Beard

Martin Luther King Jr, proving to terrified kids everywhere that your dreams CAN harm you since 1968.

Anyone else wonder why deaf people still have ears?

Does anyone else wonder why when database latency is too high each time you refresh there is more people looking at the page?

The area where i live is so rough McDonald's have just opened their first drive by outlet.

Learning a new language is essential. Just ask any mouse that can bark.