Reading quietly is not aloud.

My old man's not a dustman but he sometimes wears a dustman's hat just to confuse people.

Want to keep the Doctor away?
There's an Apple for that.

I thought i saw an optical illusion but my eyes were playing tricks on me.

What do you call a rapper with a hectic shedule?
Busy Rascal

It must be so hard to be a navy pilot. How do they make the boats fly?

My wife has threatened to leave me unless I do more around the house. Looks like the tree is staying up a bit longer then.

Every dog has its day....
Grab your coat, you've pulled.

I just can't stand having a cast on my leg.

Apparently getting sucked off in Thailand doesn't always have a happy ending

Of course it not a live wire. Look, I can even touch it with my ha

Carlsberg doesn't do football violence.........but Carling does!

Pakis. Killing 1 bird, with a lot of stones.

If you nod her head, does it mean she's given you consent?

I've started a new sweet company...I'm going to make a mint.

Sickipedia - The most fun you can have with your hands without going blind...

Seeing London is easy on the Eye.

Happy brothers day Norwich

Curiosity didnt kill the cat, it just got it pregnant.

I love reunions; they're old school.

Went camping last night.
Pulled three blokes.

Not being funny or anything..... but why did you all marry fat women?

Fool people into thinking you are going to make a funny joke, then don't.

As a comedian I'd rather tell one liners rather than tell stories.
Interesting how that all started...

Why is it that in order to support something, one must lean against it?